Confidence is a State of Flow - episode 185
Right after the recorded part of this conversation, we continued to talk about confidence and why we think it is invaluable for each person to have. Our guest Lindsay Gumm, said there is a deficit of confidence out there, and I couldn’t agree more. Her definition for confidence is being in a state of flow, which I thought was a cool way to describe it.
And why are we so much harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else? Lindsay walked us through how she challenges the negative self-talk that is all too easy for us to listen to. If we do, it only erodes our belief in ourself. She takes quiet time, becomes aware of the voice, and then examines what it is saying. In this way she can compare it to what is actually true, to what is. A worthwhile practice and one we can all do. It can only help us with our own confidence.
Empathetic. Active. Cheerful.
— Lindsay Gumm
Let the Air Out
Thoughts from Confidence is a State of Flow
Lindsay talked about the negative inner voice we all seem to have. Maybe this starts in childhood based on a combination of the environment and genetic predisposition. I grew up a sensitive little girl who was prone to worry. And worry certainly takes place inside our thoughts. I had various fears that would come into play at different times. Now mind you I had a solid childhood - lots of fun, I loved school, had good friends, I enjoyed my life. Yet there was this side, this inner voice that liked to play the what-if game. I didn't share it with anyone and of course that made it worse.
As I grew up I learned the name for this: anxiety. At one point I had a hard time even leaving the house. At age 21 I finally told my mom I needed help. A therapist was found. Through talk-therapy, therapeutic exercises, and learning about anxiety, the power of it began to dissipate. Like the air being let out of a balloon, it lost its hold on me and I became more free to be me.
When the inner voice wants to play what-if I counter with "worst-case scenario." You take the thing you are worried about and you verbalize all of the possibilities that are negative, that are awful, ones you would never want to happen. You keep going until there aren’t any left for you to come up with.
Back to the balloon, with each one you are letting air out of the thing, making it far less powerful and worrisome than it was. You may even find yourself feeling lighter, giggling. Hearing them out loud diminishes their capacity to worry you. Less worry, less fear. Chances are none of them come true. But if one does, you will be able to tackle it because you will be in the “what is” zone. Dealing with things as they come. And your today? Well, that will feel far more manageable. That equals peace of mind and living more fully in the present.
So I unlearned what seemed to come naturally to me: anxiety. When we learn about ourselves, when we find trustworthy people who understand who we are, when we have the courage to speak up, we can move forward a far better version of ourselves. Healthy. Fulfilled. Whole.
We can let the air out of anxiety. Instead of playing “what if” we can play “what is” and the game of worst-case-scenario loses, and you win.
— RCN
