Counting Spoons - episode 134
Our new series, Thankful and Giving Back, begins today with Kathryn Mae Inman. We just finished our conversation and I am basking in our natural connection. Turns out Kathryn is a kindred spirit in that she is committed to living a life that is authentic, transparent and vulnerable. She has done so by surviving, and now thriving, after her son’s heroin addiction. Kathryn wants to share in the hopes it may help one other. Or more.
She wrote Counting Spoons: A Memoir of Heroin, Heartache and Hope, and her son Justin helped. (I’ve just ordered it.) I am drawn to her story, her ability to endure well. It took some hard times to get her there and now she gets how critical it is to show up as the sum of her experiences plus all that she’s learned along the way. As she can attest, it’s the hard times that make you who you are. That and her faith.
Brave. Loving. Genuine.
— Kathryn Mae Inman
Live these 10 Things
Thoughts from Counting Spoons
Kathryn mentioned that isolation doesn’t work but community does. It’s a natural instinct to hide when you feel shame or guilt. When you really break it down we are concerned about what other people think, what they might say about us, or even to us. We are worried about being judged, our parenting, how we cope, etc. What do they see? What do they think? And therein lies the rub.
Can you step out of your people-pleasing mode for a moment and ask yourself some hard questions:
Does it really matter to me what people think? If so, that is something you need to sit with and figure out. Write, talk, get therapy, join a group, etc.
Does it really matter to me what people will say? If so, that is something you need to sit with and figure out. Write, talk, get therapy, join a group, etc.
Is what a loved-one chooses to do really a reflection on me? If so, that is something you need to sit with and figure out. Write, talk, get therapy, join a group, etc.
A couple of things come up here. One is the use of the word ‘really.’ You have to go deep to get the answer. Another, you have to process. It can be done a number of ways as stated above. There are others to be sure. Whatever works, whatever is healthy, yes. Do that. More than likely you will do a couple if not all the modes. Notice that other than writing, the others involve other people. A trusted friend, a professional, or a support group. This is what is meant by community.
In community you can find people who actually understand the thing you are going through because they are going through it too or have been through it previously and get where you’re at. Typically it involves a lot of listening, affirming what is being said and sharing. Because there are phases, and processes, and not everyone goes through it exactly the same way at the same time. It’s a spectrum, It’s individual.
You will start out scared. You may not express yourself well. I ask you, who cares. You have to stop investing so much of your thought process into others and focus more on your thought process about you. It’s healthier. Run these through your head until you believe them, and then remind yourself about their truth.
The opinion that matters to me most is mine. (And God’s if you are a person of faith.)
What my loved ones think or feel I will take into consideration, try it on, letting it go when it doesn’t fit, and draw my own conclusions.
I will stand firm in my own convictions.
I will communicate in a way that is respectful and honest.
I will be true to myself in who I know myself to be.
If someone doesn’t ‘get me’ I will think ‘that’s too bad’ and I will move on.
I will feel good about myself because I am being the healthiest me (in process) I can be.
I will forgive myself when I miss the mark. What I do next matters more anyway.
I will love to the best of my ability, including myself.
I will give when I can, and I will receive with gratitude.
Once you do the thing scared you realize the next time it’s not so bad. It actually gets a little easier every time. You are committed to healing and the only way to get there is through. Shortcuts or suppression only make it worse - they don’t work, especially in the long run.
Remember we each do the best we can at any given time. I can’t give you something I don’t have. When we know better we do better. Anything you didn’t get from someone you are now beholden to get for yourself. You are responsible. Blaming doesn’t help. It keeps you in the past. Forge ahead with grace because you now understand no one person can give you everything you want and need. It’s impossible. Plus it’s never too late. You can start today to become who you already are.
I can only give you what I already have.
— RCN
