Do I Trust You Enough? - episode 202
Eighteen doctors. That’s how many Stephanie Shaw went to for her symptoms not to mention the $20,000 out of pocket. Menopause. And it hit her hard. Hair loss, tingling, all kinds of physical and emotional turmoil due to the change in hormones. It wasn’t until she realized she was doing things she didn’t need to do, that she surrendered to God to figure out what was going on with her body. The more she prayed and meditated, “Help me with this,” the more it became clear what to do next.
It all became fuel for her podcast “Hello Hot Flash” where she shares her experience and has other guests on to help women who need the support. We can be afraid to speak our mind and Stephanie is big on encouraging women to build confidence. Sound familiar? And I like the connection she makes between surrender and trust. A point well made and one worth remembering.
Christian. Friend. Creative.
— Stephanie Lynn Shaw
For Me it Was a Process
Thoughts from Do I Trust You Enough?
How much is enough? That’s a question I’ve been asking myself since my conversation with Stephanie. I agree there is a relationship between surrender and trust. When you are able to let go of wanting to control, even trying to force control, then God can do what only God can do. And I’m aware you may not have the same kind of belief that I do. But for me, one of my life’s biggest lessons has been the absolute necessity to trust. (That is once I let go of the control. Insert winking emoji here.)
Let’s see if I can illustrate this within my own life. There was a time when I wanted a particular relationship to work out, badly. I prayed and I prayed. I ignored what I saw for what I wanted, an idealized version of what actually was. (That is one of the reasons I am so big on focusing on what is.) Despite my pleading, the answer was no. Or rather the gist was, I am not going to override that person’s free will to answer this prayer. That’s not how I work. God is very big on respecting your right to choose. Eventually I let go. I had to. It was ridiculous to keep hanging on when there wasn’t enough to hang on to.
The next part was one of the loneliest, darkest times of my life. I was in it, and had to somehow get through. God provided some flickers of light to meet me exactly where I was at: incredible friends and family that kept me lifted up. Then thumbing through a People magazine of all things, and an article about a writer who had gone through a very difficult physical illness. He lived by these words through all the challenges, Unhappiness is the ultimate form of self-indulgence. I know they were intended for me too. Really, it seemed like a spotlight shone brightly on this philosophy as I believed God was sending me a message in a rough time. I reread the words. I mulled them over and I claimed them for myself. I wrote them out and put them on a bulletin board where I could be reminded every single day, sometimes many times a day. It helped. Words have power. They sure do for me.
Then one time I was praying, and a melody came into my mind. This particular part was instrumental so I kept it going because it was familiar to me but I couldn’t quite place it. I got to the lyrics and started singing them, still not realizing what I was singing. Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles…and it ended with God has made a man today. I felt a wave of surprise and also a kind of knowing. In my mind and heart, I felt God was saying to me, I’ve got someone in mind, and he’s on his way. I’m doing things in his life too. You need to be patient as you wait. Live your life.
I had so much peace after that. You can definitely disagree with the conclusion I drew, I’m okay with that. For me it was hope. For me it was letting go, it was trusting that God had my best interest in mind. He knew the desires of my heart. He was working behind the scenes for my benefit. Once you really get that you can let go a little bit more as you trace his hand in your life. So my Do I trust you enough? has definitely grown through the years, through the tears, through it all. Definitely a process, definitely lifelong. I am grateful he’s been so patient with me.
‘Let go’ because you can trust the source of love.
— RCN
