His Job is to Make You Happy - episode 118
Oh my goodness. How delighted I am to share this conversation between me and today’s Le Voyage en France guest, Magomed Voraev. He was our tour guide in the French Riviera, who made going to Monaco for the day, simply fantastic or fantastique. Mago, as he’s known, is equal parts warm, engaging, and passionate. Plus he’s downright fun. I will easily remember our time with him as truly memorable and his impact on me as indelible.
Mago is curious. He uses his inquisitive nature to learn about the people he meets. I appreciate his philosophy of “no problems, only solutions” as a way to take something that seems insurmountable and to break it into steps that even his 5-year old daughter, Rose, understands and can do. And his take on “being free” includes the responsibilities of being a business owner, a husband and a father. He simply likes being outside, meeting new people, and working with love to make them happy. Impressive indeed.
Passionate. Curious. Sociable.
— Magomed “Mago” Voraev
Breaking it Down into Doable Steps
Thoughts from His Job is to Make You Happy
Clearly I liked the “no problems, only solutions” as a way to navigate life. Instead of coming face to face with a problem, and I like the word challenge better by the way, we can become too emotional, try to wish it away, think Why me?, or lose perspective. Sometimes we zero too far into the “problem” that we don’t see the forest for the trees. Ok, as an aside, that is an expression I only recently figured out. In case you haven’t, it means to not understand the big picture because you are only considering a few parts of it. Funny! I thought it was the opposite. At least that was a recent conclusion I drew. I thought it meant to look at all the trees as one, and not see that they are made up of individual trees. Haha! Every day we learn, like it or not. And I love the scene in Seinfeld when the rabbi, Elaine is talking with, uses that expression and she says, Yeah, I don’t know what that means. Apparently I was with her until today. Who knows if I will even remember it right.
Let’s see if we can break down Mago’s life philosophy of “no problems only solutions” into some practical steps.
Feel the feels - I think the first step would be to acknowledge whatever feels come up, and fully feel them. Tears, screaming, vocal emoting, exerting energy through physical activity, listening to music that matches how you feel, writing in a journal, etc. Once that concludes, and it’s a fine line between too much and not enough, only you can intuit what that is, it’s time to move on.
There’s a bigger picture - Ok, so if you pan out, or move to see the wider, bigger picture, you can keep the latest challenge in perspective. Even if you can’t fully see it that way, know that it’s there, and trust that it is. You want to acknowledge this. It’s important. This is all bigger than this uncomfortable moment you find yourself in.
This is temporary - Everything is transitory. Feelings come and go, situations come and go, circumstances come and go. The one thing we can count on is change. Know that in your gut even if your heart fears that the feeling is going to last forever. It won’t. It can’t. Remember you are not responsible for how other people feel, for what they think, or for what they do. We can’t “make” anyone feel, think or do. That is a choice every person makes for themselves. Of course feelings do come to us naturally but it’s what we do with them that matters. Come up with some different self-talk if the old stuff playing in your head isn’t accepting, and positive.
Yes, you can - Now obviously there are situations we find ourselves in that are beyond our control, feelings we have that feel like they will never go away. Both those things may seem true. Yet our reactions to situations, or feelings about them, are something we ourselves are responsible for. This can be quite difficult to accept, and quite difficult to do. But like everything, it gets better with practice. You get better at it with practice. How do you practice? Self-talk (processing without wallowing), writing, therapy, a healthy trusted friend, inspiring books, prayer, etc.
What’s your goal? When you picture the finish line of this challenge, what does it look like? Are you there? What is your part in reaching it, because this is all about what you are going to do about it. Guaranteed it will likely not end the way you wish it would. You know what? It could be more than you could hope for or imagine! It could also go south…so what if it does? You’ve been good to yourself, you’ve met the challenge in a healthy way, and you feel better, more confident in how you handled it. You’ll be even more prepared for the next one.
Game plan - You need to have an action plan for yourself whether it be regarding the actual situation, how you feel about it, what you think about it, or all three. Like Mago said, break it down into small steps that move you towards your goal. Each day or week, depending, take one of the steps toward your goal and do it. Then repeat, and repeat, and repeat. Don’t forget to periodically turn around and see where you’ve been, and now, where you are. That should only add more fuel to continuing forward.
Takeaways - Sit in the victory, however small, for a moment. Bask. Lastly what did you learn from coming up with your own action plan in meeting this goal, or even getting close to it? It’s important to celebrate the gains, even if they’re small, in meeting this challenge the best way you could. You will likely have some more tools in your tool belt to meet the next situation head on. And you will continue to feel good, even better, about you. That is your part in all of this - to navigate in a healthy way, to keep learning, and to expand into the fullness of you.
For me, that’s what it’s all about. Expanding into the fullness of who I am. Giving myself permission to be human, to make mistakes, to look at things in a new way, to meet complications in evolved ways so that I can feel good about how I react, and how I handle them. I’m in a mode of discovery, of learning more about what makes me, me, and how I can connect with those around me in the best way possible. Each time. Every time. Whose with me?
Be patient with yourself. Self-growth is tender; it’s holy ground.
— Stephen Covey
