Pretty Privilege - episode 106
For the show today, we have Taylor Conde-Nau, a guest in our Believe series. Yes, she’s a relation. A daughter. If you’ve been a long-time listener you’ve heard her before in A Crash Course in Adulthood, episode 5, and I Did it My Way, episode 54. She has some things to say about ‘pretty privilege’ which was not a phrase I had heard before. Oh sure, I’ve seen certain people have advantages based on attributes they had little or nothing to do with, but hadn’t heard it from the unique perspective of this 21 year old.
I admire how this young lady is adulting into a cherished version of herself as she expands into who she is. We need to really understand ourselves before we can embrace who we are. Like her love of horror as a genre and my aversion to it. “It’s all good” as I like to say. Taylor gets to be her own healthy, happy person as do you. And me.
Passionate. Caring. Loving.
— Taylor Conde-Nau
My 21 year old Self
Thoughts from Pretty Privilege
I recently came across this photo from my 21st birthday, the same age Taylor is now. I organized a nice dinner at Chart House (no longer in La Jolla, sad face emoji here) with family and friends. I think there were about 15 or so of us there to celebrate. Incredible salad bar, before they were a thing, squaw bread, chicken teriyaki, and mud pie, plus they had the best mai tais I’ve ever had. What I remember about this night was feeling very loved by those in attendance. That is kind of a given, right? It’s also the only photo of my family of origin. I’ve written previously about coming from a broken home, so this pic bears a nice memory.
What about being twenty one? Well I recall it was a time in my life when my anxiety was at all-time high. I think launching into the adult years felt very overwhelming to my sensitive, sometimes neurotic mind. Could I do well enough? Would I make it? Could I be on my own? What if…? What if…? The anxious mind is all to familiar with playing the what-if game. Thankfully I reached out to my mom to tell her I needed help. When I called the psychologist, she rightfully insisted I take that step, he told me trying out a therapist was like trying on a pair of shoes. Sometimes they fit well, and you liked them, and sometimes they didn’t, and that it was all ok. I could picture the older gentlemen who uttered these words in a cardigan of some type, warm, welcoming and very sage, probably with a graying, closely-trimmed beard. Maybe he even smoked a pipe. I wasn’t sure. Imagine my surprise when I finally met him, and he turned out to be a dashing, young man, not much older than me. What a shock! We embarked on the therapeutic process and over time it really did help.
Back to other facets of being twenty one. I was slender but didn’t like my body. Being a perfectionist, this typically can go with anxiety, it wasn’t good enough for the standards I compared myself to - back then it would be magazines, TV shows and movies. I am extraordinarily grateful I did not grow up in an age of social media. It really would have been too much. Like so many things it would take time, and lots of it, to grow into accepting my body’s “flaws” and embracing the reality of what makes me, me. Oh, and by the way, I still have to work on it.
My college years, love life, and living situation were all in transition and I think that added to my sense of insecurity. Little did I know I would return to the university where I had started, declare a major I loved, add on a teaching credential, have a child, spend years on my own, and then meet the love of my life. Yes, in that order. He shows me everyday the love he has for me, and that he finds me, exactly as I am, desirable.
To my twenty one year old self: spend some time on your own, for this is time you need to embark on the adventure of becoming you. Like attracts like, and you want people in your life who are full and complete on their own as you will be too. Remember it’s a process, not a destination. And you will never fully get there. Not until the other side. For now, enjoy the ride.
Dear Younger Self,
You have always been enough.
— Alex Elle
Yeah, no idea about the weird line on this photo.
