Why Am I Here? - episode 183
You start with the word joyful, and you add icity, to make Joyfulicity. It’s not an official word but really who cares? You can tell what Laura Wakefield had in mind when she coined it. Laura asked me to come on her Joyfulicity podcast and I was happy to oblige. So what did we talk about? Turns out Laura did some homework by visiting the UY website and we had a great conversation about some things she found there. Like the three core values I value most: authenticity, transparency and vulnerability, and how I claimed them.
We also chatted about the importance of knowing yourself because then you can understand who you are, build your confidence, and reduce your fears. We also pondered some questions posted on the UY website like, Who would you be if you weren’t afraid? Why are you here? What are you doing about it? Looking at passion, adding intention, can equal your purpose if you let it. You are probably the only thing holding you back.
Laura has been on UY episode 154, Learn to Dance in the Rain.
Understanding we are in a constant state of “ING” gives us permission to be patient with the process.
— RCN
A Bathing Suit Rant (and Fantasy)
Thoughts on Why Am I Here?
Yes, Laura and I talked about how authenticity, transparency and vulnerability have become so important to me. They’ve risen up from many other virtues, and I certainly have many others I hold dear. So in an effort to be those things, I want to dive into a topic that many women will be able to relate to. Acceptance of self, specifically our bodies. I look at the above picture taken in Waimanalo in Oahu and I think, Yeah, ok, I’ve got some crows feet and I actually like them. Braces in your 60’s? Well, there’s that. Patience until they come off. I read somewhere our noses get bigger as we age. Not sure if that’s true. Feeling fine about mine. What about the rest of it, the body?
As I mentioned we were in Hawaii and that is the land of sun and water. You need a bathing suit if you want to enjoy the activities it has to offer, and I do. So let’s talk about the ordeal women have of finding, and trying on, bathing suits. I know, why is it a thing? What can I tell you? It is. I probably purchase one every five years or so. First off, where are the suits for women “of a certain age”? Sure you can try Nordstrom where the inventory is small and the prices are high. Then there is somewhere like Macy’s that has too much inventory and the odds of finding something you like are very small. There are discount stores like Marshalls, Ross and a lot of people shop there but you need to have a lot of patience that apparently I don’t have. Target? I’ve not had a lot of luck with clothing in general there.
Somehow, somewhere, you find a few pieces that are worthy of trying on. Odds are they may, or may not, actually go over your butt and hips and you sized up. They may, or may not, fit around your chest because your back size has increased some with the years and you may not want all that back fat hanging out, not to mention you want to actually be able to breathe. And if you’re going for a one-piece you don’t want to feel like you are in a torture-device meant to compact you from the shoulders to your crotch. Can you stand up straight? Maybe, maybe not. Miraculously, you try on something that goes on, and feels okay. You turn around to face the music, or the mirrors rather.
Then you are horrified by what you see, and you think Who in the heck is that? simultaneously knowing it is in fact you as you drink in every imperfection your body has to offer. Every dimple (and there are many), every sag (gravity is fun!), every mark, every non-defined muscle is there in all its glory in the most unflattering light known to man, reflected in the ghastliest mirrors available for purchase. Recently, I jokingly referred to trying on bathing suits as traumatic. Ok, not that extreme but it is certainly not fun. I am aware there are those women who have picture-perfect bodies but let’s be real, they are 1% of the entire population. And good for them! Take a poll and ask the women in your life what they think, and you will likely get some revealing answers.
My answer? Use candlelight (the battery kind) in the dressing rooms. Play soothing smooth jazz music or female empowerment songs. Maybe you get to choose. While the music plays softly a female VoiceOver can be heard, You are beautiful just the way you are! You’ve got this, girl! You are a badass no matter what you put on! Or maybe you can choose the affirming words that are played. Then a team of women, all shapes, sizes, ages are just outside the dressing rooms, and they are there to cheer you on, You did it! You can do hard things! We know you are great! You are beautiful, sister!
All fantasies aside, what is at the root of this insecurity? For starters we are showing a huge portion of our bodies to the public. It’s an act of being vulnerable. We want to be accepted, and wonder if we are when we are showing so much skin. We know our imperfections are all at once visible, and that is a scary thing. We don’t want to be judged or to be criticized. We want to be accepted, to be valued, and yes, to be beautiful. And the good news? The culture has grown leaps and bounds in the area of accepting all body types, of feeling confident in our own skin no matter what that might look like. I am so glad for that. Now let’s go try on some bathing suits!
Although this blog was written ‘tongue-in-cheek’ I want the reader to know I have come a very long way in accepting my body.
Show up
confident, no matter what you have on.
— RCN
