Bigger than Fear, is the Thought of Regret
What if you are at your lowest? Depressed, you’ve lost who you are. A few toxic relationships have run their course, and a few new events are placed in your path. You have nowhere to go but up, so you carefully lean in to clearing out the negative energy and not drinking to numb the pain. Nicole Rippee started saying ‘yes’ to showing up in her life by listening to where she was being led, and ‘yes’ to cultivating a community of support and encouragement. Fear would not have the last word. Bigger than fear was the thought of regret and she didn’t want any of that. Nicole is our guest this week for Let’s Talk about Mental Health.
You can find Nicole on Instagram at Hello Shade.
Creative. Resourceful. Kind.
— Nicole Rippee
I Wish I’d Known
Thoughts from Bigger than Fear, is the Thought of Regret
Regret. That’s a tough one. Oh sure, there are times I wish I had known better so I could have done better but I think that is different from regret. The dictionary defines regret as to feel sorrow or remorse. We do feel sorrow for some of the choices we make, how could we not? Remorse? Yes. But wishing I had done things completely differently? I’m not so sure. For me grace needs to play a part in the many missteps I’ve made. I’ve learned to be gentler with myself, especially in hindsight. The Maya Angelou quote keeps swirling through my head, When we know better, we do better or words to that effect. And I think that’s it in a nutshell.
I wish I’d known that love is not overprotectiveness, love is not jealousy, love is not verbal or physical abuse. When you are young and someone tells you how much they love you, you tend to believe them. They are vulnerable and have many good qualities but when they drink they become someone else. The possessive behavior becomes a norm because they really love you. Attraction is not enough. It is hard to get out when you have been sucked into this rhythm, this pattern. I did finally break away but I am sorry to say I went back. Maybe I thought maturity had taken place. It hadn’t, at least not enough, and I left for good albeit a little more damaged. That second time was a time of regret.
I wish I’d known you can’t keep breaking a vase, glueing it back together, time and time again, and expect it to hold water. There are a lot of scars, a lot of damage that’s been done and you think of staying more out of habit than love. Not really regret because there was love, there was learning. I became a better person for having had that experience.
I wish I’d known when someone goes out on you, you should believe they can do it again. Yes, there are those exceptions. I know, and I’ve heard about them but that did not happen to be the case for me. The second time did not hurt nearly as much as the first one did. I had never pictured this individual capable of such a betrayal. But we were young and there were outside factors lurking in the shadows for such an opportunity to pounce, literally. Once again, maybe regret at that second go round. Yet we remain friends to this day and I am glad for having loved him.
I wish I’d known some people will not understand you. They can misinterpret what you meant in ways you never intended. And that trying to make it right might actually make it worse. Acceptance and moving on is not easy for someone who yearns to be understood. ‘Let it go’ can be a hard thing to achieve. Regret? I wish I had read the situation better.
I wish I’d known some people will leave and you will never really know why. There is no clear answer, no event or circumstance you can point to and say, Oh yes, I get why they moved on. There is just time, distance, and no more effort on their part. My heart has ached in these situations. For someone like me, understanding is very important plus I deeply desire to make things right. So if I erred in some way I would love to make it right even if it ultimately means we continue being parted. Regret? Giving a piece of my heart is never a regret, but it can, and does, bring sorrow. Love is a sacrifice. It is not easy. It is hard. Even if it’s not returned you are better off for having loved. Always.
Be careful with regret. Your experiences make you who you are.
When we know better, we do better. Amen.
