Bold for Others, Brave for Herself - Part 1 (episode 278-1)
Bold. Brave. Transparent. That’s how I would describe Lina La Rue.
So begins a look at confidence, faith, and identity in this candid conversation. Lina invites authenticity. She shares her transformation from atheism to Christianity and dives deep into reflections on the fear of others’ opinions. We reflect on how women can stop seeking validation, and start standing boldly in who God made them to be. You’ll also hear about Lina’s podcast journey, her childhood roots, and the daily practices that help her stay brave and grounded in faith. She gets it. And I’m glad.
Lina is our guest this week for Spicy Christian Women - Becoming All that and a Bag of Chips. This is part one.
Lina has been on the podcast before in I am Not Shunning Emotions Anymore episode 251.
You can find her at Lina La Rue.
Excited. Intentional. Humble.
— Lina La Rue
Why Do We Care?
Thoughts from Bold for Others, Brave for Herself
Sometimes I start these blogs and I honestly have no idea where they are going. So what am I pondering these days? As I think about the conversation Lina and I had, I am thinking about why we look to others for validation. Why do we enter spaces and wonder, Is this okay? Am I okay? Do you think I’m okay? And I’m not talking about illness or disorder. I’m talking about plain ‘ol every day living.
Why do we seek validation? As humans we have a natural desire for connection. We want a place to belong. We want to confirm our self-worth. Makes sense, right? We can get too carried away with this of course. You likely know people who are swimming too deeply in these waters. And like anything else, there is a continuum so that it’s neither black nor white but somewhere in a shade of gray.
Where do you land? If I reflect on where I land, I see that I have gotten better at this as I’ve gotten older. You hear that a lot, that after hitting fifty you simply care less. You seem to realize that it doesn’t really make much difference, what someone else thinks. You have no control either way, so why not simply be who you are. As we are fond of saying here, become all you were meant to be (emphasize all).
How do we get better at this then? There are a few ways to tackle this.
Believe what God says. If you have faith, you are hard pressed to think less of yourself then God does. Let’s start here. You are:
a beloved child of God
his masterpiece
a new creation
gifted with the Holy Spirit
loved and accepted
a light to make positive impact
Build how you see yourself: Recognize your worth (see number 1), embrace your flaws, celebrate achievements, be kind to yourself.
Practice setting boundaries: Learn to say no. You don’t even have to explain why, really. Try, That doesn’t work for me. It works well. You are not responsible for how it all turns out for everyone.
Shift your behavior: Notice how you speak to yourself and start being kinder. You would not want your kids (or any loved ones really) to believe about themselves the things you are telling yourself, about yourself. It all takes practice but is well worth the effort.
Make sure you have your people: We are made for connection, so surround yourself with healthy relationships. Here is another place to know it’s okay to let people in that are safe for you, and to keep others at a distance. It doesn’t mean you don’t love and care about the latter but sometimes love is living out, ‘no, not that close, no not that much.’ (Read the book Boundaries which is excellent for anyone having challenges with this.)
This is not an exhaustive look at how to lessen our need for validation. On some level it is a natural thing for us to seek but like anything we can take it way too far and make it unhealthy. Two quick examples from real life. When Sally Field accepted her Oscar in 1985 she said, And I can’t deny the fact that you like me, right now you like me! This was a global audience and in genuine vulnerability she shared how validated, how respected, she felt. Swinging the other way is Melanie Sanders, a woman who has become a sensation on social media with her campaign called the ‘We do not Care Club.’ Every Tuesday she posts things we don’t care too much about anymore. Seeking validation would definitely be on that list.
Let’s tie a bow on this one. Yes, we care what others think but likely way too much. We can’t control what they think - ever. Let that truth sink in. Work on staying in the space where your thoughts are in line with what is true about you. You are unique. You are enough. You have value. Just typing these last sentences I notice my shoulders dropping and I’m having a moment of clarity in realizing this about myself. I have closed my eyes now (yes I can still type, thank you high school typing class), and I am smiling as I rest in this truth. I am me, and that is enough.
Resting in the truth brings a smile.
— new photos, taken at a recent conference
