How to Show Up for Each Other - episode 108
We worked together some years ago. I find today’s Believe guest, Scotti Taylor, to be a woman of substance, of wicked determination and fully unapologetic in being herself. I like that in a person. She’s been on the show before in, I Will not be Silent, episode 33, and Takeaways and Looks Ahead, episode 40. Our conversation covers how outgoing people can actually be introverted and the legacy of a loving grandmother for starters.
I knew I would enjoy connecting with Scotti again. Her answers to the Believe questions happen to be things I whole heartedly agree with. (Even if I didn’t, that’s ok too.) If God knows who we are, either by design or allowance, surely he loves us no matter what. As Scotti pointed out, he does not deny love. When you love someone different from you that’s when you figure out what deep, abiding love is. And isn’t that what we all want? To be seen and valued for who we are? Yes please. Let’s do more of that.
Social. Introverted. Uncouth.
— Scotti Taylor
Eula Mae’s Legacy
Thoughts from How to Show Up for Each Other
I have a deep sense of admiration for Scotti’s grandma, Eula Mae. The love she poured into Scotti’s best friend growing up, Greg, no doubt made a tremendous difference in his life. He was seen by her, and loved exactly as he was. The fact that she said, It’s not my business what you do in the bedroom, sealed the deal. Scotti’s whole story about Greg got me to thinking about my own life, about Shaun who has graced this podcast several times. He is my firstborn, my first delight.
Shaun is gay. He is a gay man who believes in God, in Christ, and has had his own journey of healing from the Christianity he was born into. Instead of sharing his story, because that’s for him to do, I will give you a peek into mine as his mom. I think on some level I knew but it wasn’t at the forefront or in my consciousness mind. As Christians we are told a variety of things depending on the denomination you ascribe to. And I will say that it was a process for me due to the conflicting messages I received, many fear-based. I am ashamed to admit there was a period when I wondered if I should try and pray the gay away. I see now how ridiculous and futile it even was to wish Shaun into something he was not. Someone he was not.
As a mom I saw first-hand some of the pain he went through. Like, when kids he went to kindergarten with, bullied him in high school. Like when a church wouldn’t let him volunteer. That was a good eighteen years ago and I’d like to think that would not be the case now although I imagine in some places it would. Like when he himself was figuring it out and I could see the angst but didn’t know the source. Neither did he, not fully yet. There was nothing to do but love him through it. Listen when he wanted to talk. Be a shoulder when he was grappling. I was perfectly imperfect.
As parents we don’t want our kids to feel pain. We help them avoid it whenever possible. Yet this is not realistic, not to mention the fact that it is a necessary part of growth and character-building. What’s greater still is that God knew, and he already loved Shaun completely. He knew of Shaun’s love for him, and he knew of his struggle. And he had prepared me for this most of my life. If I turn around and look, I see that. That’s the trick - looking at the path you have already been on, seeing how it led you to here.
One of my closest friends since junior high, Mark is gay. He confided this to me very early on. We had many in-depth conversations over the years. Forty years of friendship and counting. I was there when Mark came out. I was there to share in the confusion, in the pain, in the acceptance, in the embrace. And I looked up to Mark’s mother, and watched the love she had for her son when she found out. Grief yes, but arms open wide. Christ’s love in action.
I know God loves Shaun and knows exactly who he is. As Scotti said, Christ cannot deny love for that’s who he is.
Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did. 1 John 2:6
Jesus commanded us to love. And that is what I have done, and will continue to do, each of the years Shaun has been alive. His sexuality has not changed that one iota. As Shaun says, Mom, this is such a small part of who I am. When I asked Shaun if he would mind if I wrote about him, about this, he said I have his full blessing and support.
For God is greater than our hearts and he knows everything. 1 John 3:20
Billy Graham was asked what he would do if he found out one of his children was gay. With no hesitation he gently replied, Why I would love that one even more. And that is exactly what I do. Full stop. I want to be like Eula Mae.
Sons are the anchors of a mother’s life.
— Sophocles
