I Am Growing Up WITH Them - Episode 37
This young woman has so much depth and insight at her age. Color me impressed. I am thrilled for you to hear our conversation. Sierra is an astonishing woman at 30 years of age with 5 children ages 10 and on down. There is some serious staying-power required to be a full-time mama to this many kids and to do it well. By her own admission she is far from perfect. The beautiful thing? She still wants to learn, grow, and be fully herself in the process.
I can only imagine you will delight in this conversation with Sierra, the way I did. While we didn’t talk about humility it is something she clearly possesses. She wants to take her fierceness, love her kids while meeting each one where they are at. We need to do that with our children and each other. Remind yourself, in trying to control someone, when have you ever caused anyone to change? Now that’s a question worth pondering. And I do like to ponder.
Fierce.
Empathetic.
Relational.
— Sierra
His, Mine, Ours and Theirs
Thoughts from I Am Growing Up WITH Them
Listening to Sierra talk about her kids and her desire to raise them well, in faith, got me to thinking about my own brood. Yes, we have his (three: one male, two females), mine (one male), ours (another male) and theirs (one female). Technically we are the Brady Bunch with three boys and three girls. Yet I can’t really use the juvenile version to identify their gender as they are all grown. All but one. I’ve made reference to the ours, a baby boy who died at three months. I have no idea how age works in heaven but since it’s been 23 years I’ll make an assumption he is not a baby any longer.
That leaves us with five here. All are grown. All are out of the house. My husband and I married and had an instant family of six with the four original kids. We didn’t have much - we had a potluck wedding for crying out loud! It worked and we were more than happy to start our lives together as a blended family.
So a couple of things about that. As I’ve mentioned before the word “step” is awful. Its originates from 8th century Latin-Old “steop” English meaning “orphan.” From there it turned into step and was attached to child, father, mother. What started out innocuous enough turned into a typically malicious depiction.
This defamation continued on in countless movies, books and TV shows portraying, particularly stepmothers, in very unflattering ways. It’s gotten better but still. The stigma? Snow White? Cinderella? What is it with Disney and stepmothers and the killing off of the mothers? That’s another topic for another day. Back to the family.
Blending a family is not easy. It is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And looking back I think that was mostly because I tried too hard. But not in the ways that would meet, particularly my step kids, where they were at. I tried to make up for certain things I thought were lacking. Looking back I would definitely do some things, many things, differently. And sometimes I even wish I could go back. Yet now I know, when you know better, you do better. I thought I knew, and I was an educator, but I really didn’t fully know. Like Sierra, I would have chosen more grace and been less harsh. Although if you hear my husband recount it he remembers me as loving, supportive and providing needed structure. Maybe. How about both versions being true?
The good news is we all survived. I got better. They got better. My husband and I worked better as a team. And now they are all adults. I can share I have good relationships with all three of the “steps.” This means everything to me.
That leaves the mine and theirs. Mine was a single child for 10 years as it was just the two of us. He was laid back and an easy child. Theirs we adopted 19 years ago and she had some biological challenges to overcome. It hasn’t been easy for her. The cool thing is because I was striving to give more grace to the older kids (often failing), I was able to extend more grace to the last child who really needed it the most.
I love my family even if I haven’t shown it in all the ways they needed or wanted from me. That’s real. I believe if you asked each one of them, Does she love you? They would each answer, Yes, she does.
Ok, the picture is 11 years old. (Since then there are three married, two happy singles, and two grandchildren.)
I love this moment. It’s a keeper, and so are they.
— Rechelle
