Is There a Way Out? - episode 249
What if your loved one is the one suffering? They toy with the idea of suicide as a way out, a way out from the pain and PTSD of actual protecting-our-country-battle. They served and came home with wounds. Amber Jeann Parker’s husband is the one who experienced trauma. She became caregiver, support person, and advocate number one. Yet she wondered, How long will this go on? It’s been a long, grueling process. Amber wanted to make sure she wasn’t missing anything along the way. Now they are big-time healing and wanting to share their story in the hope of encouraging others to find their way out. Amber is our guest this week for “Let’s Talk About Mental Health.”
Amber has been on the podcast before in I’m a Truth Teller.
Don’t wish away the years.
— Amber Jeann Parker, advice to her 10-year old self
An Analogy Swirl
Thoughts from Is There a Way Out?
They have to choose to tell you. That is something Amber said as we had our conversation about caring for her husband. There is only so much you can do for another until they are ready to talk, to share, to confide. It takes vulnerability, something that is hard for many of us to do. What will they think after I reveal this? Will it be ok? Will they still love me knowing this? Of course there is no way to know ahead of time. You take an educated guess and you go from there.
It is a choice. You can keep things bottled up, pushed down. Except that’s where they stay - not dealt with, not processed, not healed. Let’s be clear. Healing is work but what’s the alternative? It’s not good. You become less than, you settle. That may work for a while, or even for your whole life but then you have missed out, big time on all you could be, all that life has to offer. I really sound like a broken record, don’t I? No matter what I write about, it seems to come back to the same message. Or as Brene Brown says, Do not negotiate who you are. Gosh, I just love that. I’ll bet you know one or two people (or more) who could use a real boost in the confidence department. Maybe that’s even you.
This analogy has been swirling around my mind as I work to describe this sense of settling for less: You’ve been given the most beautifully wrapped gift. The paper is gorgeous, the ribbon exquisite. You can tell it has been wrapped with great care, with great thought. Even the gift tag is lovely. And to think it’s all for you, just for you! Every part of you was thought of when it was designed. It’s one of a kind, handcrafted, and made specifically with you in mind. You look at it with delight, wondering what is inside. What thoughtful thing could this be? You untie the bow, undo the tape on the edges and open up the paper. You see a box and you open it. You are filled with joy - it’s everything you’ve ever wanted. The person who gave it to you clearly knows you well; your hopes, dreams, desires, they are all there in this one gift, this one life. Yours.
As you see what’s inside, you are initially excited but you let other things get in the way: fear mostly that can look like insecurity, listening to untruths, comparing yourself, not feeling good enough. The list is long. Too long. And that stops you from taking the time to relish what’s been given to you. You are paralyzed with indecision or lack of momentum. You stopped short of fully experiencing your gift. I can’t help but wonder how the very one who created this for you feels knowing you didn’t get to fully enjoy it and get the most out of it. I imagine saddened, maybe a bit disappointed, and perhaps hopeful that you will before it’s too late.
I’ve come to see being the fullness of myself as a way to say thank you to the very one who created me. I’ve been given this gift and I want to show my gratitude by appreciating the wrapping, seeing what’s inside, taking it out and making the very most of it, in pleasure, in service, in joy. That it is an honor, a gift back to the one who gave it to me in the first place. It feels like the least I can do to say Yes, thank you for the gift and to know somewhere the words, It is my pleasure, are being felt.
Your life is a gift to the one who gave it to you in the first place.
Don’t waste a thing.
