Shaun and the Family Stone - episode 245
It’s a family affair. That is the name of a song that was made famous by a group called Sly and the Family Stone way back in the day (feel free to Google). Today for your listening pleasure, we have Shaun and the Family Stone, as in a fun play on words. Dedicated to family, and one family in particular with the last name of Stone, Shaun and I take a conversational approach to the Christmas movie, The Family Stone. We watched it together this year in preparation. Here are our insights, thoughts and feelings. Oh, and maybe a verklempt moment or two. There is a lot of love for this movie, and for me, with good reason. Shout out to Hillary and Robyn, fellow Family Stoners.
I was so excited to have this conversation that I forgot to plug in my mic! Forgive the less than stellar sound quality on my end.
Taking the time to share thoughts is becoming rare - don’t miss out on the treasure.
Shaun and I connecting over the Family Stone.
The Gist in 10
Thoughts from Shaun and the Family Stone
If you like the movie, you probably enjoyed our take on many of our observations. Plus chances are you’ve got some of your own. In researching a bit about the Family Stone, I came across all kinds of opinions and they fell into two main camps: great affection or great disdain. I didn’t go too far down either rabbit hole as I wanted Shaun and I to share our own opinions without being unduly influenced.
The movie came out in 2005 with the following cast and I reference this as a set-up for subsequent paragraphs:
More storyline:
Sybil - (Diane Keaton) mom
Kelly - (Craig T. Nelson) dad
Meredith - (Sarah Jessica Parker) dating Everett
Amy - (Rachel McAdams) daughter, the oldest
Everett - (Dermot Mulroney) son
Ben - (Luke Wilson) son
Julie - (Claire Danes) sister of Meredith
Less storyline:
Susannah, daughter
Thad, son
Patrick, boyfriend (husband? not clear) of Thad
Brad, old flame, and maybe rekindling a romance with Amy
Elizabeth, Suzanna’s child
As I contemplated what to write for this blog, I decided to share 10 takeaways and I’ve got to tell you, they came very quickly so I took that as a good sign.
Family matters - Yes, they do. Whether for better or worse, they play a part in shaping who we become, who we want to be. All members of the Stone family gather for Christmas regardless of geography or lifestyle. This is especially poignant as they are celebrating what will be their last Christmas with mom, Sybil.
Seize the day - If not now, then when? It’s a question we all could be asking in different situations. Everett shows this by wanting to marry Meredith in an effort to do what he thinks will please his mom. Ben seizes the day by taking Meredith to the local bar, being there for her in her time of meltdown. Meredith invites Brad to the Stone house for Christmas morning, which was a spontaneous decision, albeit likely influenced by the buzz she was feeling.
Don’t be afraid to love - Why hold back? You might not get what you want by shooting for the moon but you also won’t know unless you try. The worst thing to happen would be a no and then you realize this is not your person anyway. Better to know now. Everett risks this with Julie, Ben with Meredith, Brad with Amy. And we see a beautiful (not perfect) example in Sybil and Kelly who, by all appearances, love each other deeply with respect in being genuinely themselves. Sybil tells Kelly to leave the room. Kelly gets stoned at the local field. They share a tender moment together when she tells him she’s afraid, when she reveals her mastectomy scar and he gently touches her.
The last is bittersweet - Whether you know in advance it will be the last (Kelly, Susanna, Ben, Everett) or you find out after-the-fact when you reminisce, the last one is bittersweet. Christmas tends to be a time of celebration, of family gatherings so there is the magic of the festivities and for some there is also the anticipation of the grief that is to come, the sadness of missing a loved one.
There’s room to laugh - There are a lot of moments of levity in this family. Maybe the light moments are more for us as the audience because on the face of it, this movie could be strictly a tear-jerker. Meredith whisking the strata “fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast,” Everett and Ben chasing each other around the house, Ben stretching while Meredith is sitting in the car, are but a few examples.
Traditions offer connection - These help us recognize times we set aside as special while we participate in things we don’t do every day. All the grown kids coming home to their parents for the holiday. Their dressed-up Christmas Eve dinner, strata for breakfast (Meredith and Julie’s Christmas morning tradition), Susanna watching Meet Me in St. Louis, family game night, and of course stockings in the morning.
Speak your mind - Sometimes it takes a while to really know what you think or feel. Obviously there are times when you wait, times when you proceed with caution. I think we all hold back a bit too much. Instead of letting fear stop us, how about we share that piece of who we are with responsibility and respect? It can be done. Like when Ben shares the observation that Everett doesn’t even love Meredith. Like when Sybil tells Everett he can’t have his grandmother’s ring to propose to Meredith and explains what she sees. Like when she changes her mind and tells him he can have it. Like when Kelly has had it with the awkward conversation at dinner when he slams his hand on the table and says, Enough!
Thoughtfulness matters - Showing kindness by thinking of the other goes a long way. A simple gesture can help someone feel seen and valued. Meredith wants to share the strata so she makes it. Ben brings Meredith coffee. Kelly goes looking for Meredith. Kelly drives Everett to find Julie. Those are but a few.
Life goes on - It does. Sometimes you don’t want it to but it will. And you will miss loved ones when they aren’t here anymore either through death, geography or circumstances. The final scene in the movie is set at the family home the following Christmas. Sybil has died sometime that year and everyone is gathering for Christmas. We see that Ben and Meredith are now together, Thad and Patrick have adopted a baby, Susanna has had her baby, Brad is helping Amy with the tree, and in come Everett and Julie. Clearly they are a couple and the swap is complete. Somehow it works and you are happy they have gone on while they hold onto the memories of their time with mom/Sybil. It will be good again as they remember and hold her close.
Only in the movies - I do romanticize movies, these kinds of storylines. And as Shaun will tell you: my mom loves stories about families, relationships and a little neurosis. Yes, true. And I want a happy-ish ending. Some realism is fine but I am ready to suspend belief and take this ride you have created. I will let you know how it worked for me by connecting with someone else and talking about it. The more we talk, the more I want others to partake in a storyline that moved me. Isn’t that part of how we’re built? We want to share in what we felt, what we thought, how affected we were by this story.
I learn a lot about myself through the stories I consume. Most notably movies. I compare, contrast, solidify, confirm, affirm, disavow, disagree, clarify, and celebrate all kinds of thoughts and feelings that help to make me, me. I try them on and keep the ones that fit. I put away the ones that don’t. In that way I am shaped, to a degree, by what I see. I will be forever grateful for the richness of story, thankful for its influence in my life.
Why not become more you through stories?
Try things on and see what fits.
