Isn’t your parent the one who is supposed to keep you safe and protect you? Well, yes, but it doesn’t always go that way. Cindy Benezra knows this all too well. Her abuse came from her father while her mother lacked the courage to make it stop. If only this were an unfamiliar story. Sadly it is not. Our Grief and Gratitude guest understands how her family looked from the outside but appearances can be deceiving. Thankfully she created tools to help her survive and later, to thrive. And now Cindy knows she learned so much that she is compelled to share it. No doubt there are many more out there with a similar story who need the inspiration and encouragement.

You can find Cindy’s book here Under the Orange Blossoms.

**Honest. Discerning. Goofy.**

— Cindy Benezra

You Never Know

Thoughts from We Looked Like the Perfect Family

Looks are something we use to make an assessment about someone. Historically we see a mom, a dad, a couple of kids and maybe they are upper middle class. We figure they have a good life from the outside so why not also behind closed doors? If there’s something Cindy’s story teaches us is that you never know. That’s the thing with appearances. They can be very deceiving. I imagine I have drawn similar conclusions myself. Who hasn’t?

In thinking back over these past few years on the podcast (ok, actually four, with our fifth anniversary coming up in April), I remember there have been three other guests who have stories of abuse, so four total. All four became writers, all four have broken the cycle, all four have gone on to have full, rich lives. All four are transparent about their experiences, and all four hope to inspire those still in the abusive trenches.

The first one: BA Crisp in Don’t You Ever Quit. “In case you didn’t know, the BA stands for “Beautiful Angelina” a nickname her husband gave her when he said “Angelina” was just a bit too long, looking for a term of endearment. Well, it stuck and good for her because BA Crisp is the name she uses as the bestselling author of Red Bird and X Point. She has lived a lot of lives in this one. Having been a foster child, BA is quick to point out she is not a victim. She didn’t just survive, she thrives. BA kept to the idea that she would never quit no matter what, (there were lots of those), and that all things were possible. She believed it, it sustained her, and it brought her to where she is today. Wife, mom, author, advocate. And anything else she wants.” (The intro from her episode on UY; her first book Red Bird a fictional adventure about an ‘unruly’ foster child.)

The second: Jess Williams in The Way God Created Me: “The very thing she tried to hide, her voice, is exactly how God has used her. Jessica Williams went from wondering if she was worthy of his love to knowing she is. Her willingness to be vulnerable encouraged others to do the same and as she shared her story it opened the door for others. Jessica turned her message into a book, Healing from Past Wounds. And who doesn’t have some of those? As Jessica explains, things have been chosen for you. Passion has been given to you. There is a plan for your life. Are you willing to surrender and trust? If so, sit back and still yourself. Listen and pay attention because the very desire you have is a call on your life. You were meant to be you. Jessica no longer asks permission to be who she is. She already knows.” (The intro from her episode on UY.)

The third: Sarah Harbut in I’m Going to Write a Book: “Determined is definitely an accurate word to describe Sarah Harbut’s conviction to be an author. She can remember when she was a young girl thinking she would grow up to write, and not just for pleasure, but to actually be an author. First a lot of life got in the way. Sarah returned to the passion that was there all along, and is self-publishing her first book, Less Fear, More Fire. I like that she called it her first book because it’s clear she’s determined to write more. Sarah has been influenced by Steve Harvey’s Jump philosophy. Identify your gift then take the jump and share it. It’s worth the risk because otherwise how will you know what might have been. This way of thinking is right up the Unabashed You message. And maybe that’s why we were led to Sarah. She’s reminding us to minimize the fear and to take the fire within us, harness the power of it, and use it for good. Just like she has.” (The intro from her episode on UY.)

And the fourth is of course our guest for this week, Cindy Benezra. I really do marvel at what it took for all four of these women to flourish despite horrific experiences. How did they do it? It seems determination really matters. They never gave up. Now through the willingness to be vulnerable they have shared their stories, they have spoken hope into the world so that someone, anyone, in the throes of abuse might see a glimmer of what is possible. They might just make it through with the will to do so. You never know.