The Conversations Movement - episode 207
Conversations. Are they a lost art? In this Information Age of texting, emailing, and social media we may be losing authentic connection. This week’s guest Chris Burnett wants to change that. It started with 50 recorded conversations in one week with family and friends, and it’s turned into a conversations movement. He was amazed by what he discovered and the richness that followed. Chris is finding all kinds of different ways to encourage us to experience the same benefits. Taking the time to ask questions, to learn, and to truly connect, is where the sweet spot of coming together is. Let’s not lose that.
Fun. Driven. Organized.
— Chris Burnett
The Reconciliation Tour
Thoughts from The Conversation Movement
Forgiveness was already granted here years ago. Been there, done that. But what comes next, years later? Some interesting things have happened in terms of my life when it comes to recent interactions. (By the way, I am very moved by Chris’s efforts to encourage us to have actual, intentional conversations with each other in real life.) It started with a former family member who reached out to reconnect, to reconcile. It had been many years. Of course I was quite surprised to hear from her. This got us talking and she invited Ron and I over for a glass of wine. It went well. We mutually decided to let it all go. One less person to feel awkward around in case our paths periodically cross which is likely. For the record she stepped away from our family for her own reasons which intellectually I understood but emotionally is a whole other story. I think she did it from a place of ease. Associating the innocent with who you think is guilty is not uncommon. Sometimes when we’re hurt we do protective things to survive. I get it.
But what about when you have chosen to end a relationship? I did that. Five years ago. Fueled by the above-mentioned reconciliation, I decided to throw out a backdoor communique, including her in an email to many other women. This began an email exchange that got us both to exploring, explaining and really looking at things from the other’s point of view. I have to say I ended up seeing her choices with new eyes. It was humbling. And I believe she saw some of her earlier choices toward me regretfully and wished she had done things differently. Isn’t that really all we want? To know that someone we care about would choose a kinder way? We had been friends and this was a woman I looked up to, admired. Imagine my surprise when she turned out to be human.
On to our next stop on the tour. I reached out to a distant family member. Another one I had chosen to walk away from. I would do it again based on the treatment I received, the inability to take responsibility, and the interest in working things out. I could not do our status quo anymore. It was not healthy. Some people are just plain better off out of your life. Yet here’s the thing. I have two very close family members who are in touch with her. This makes things a bit tricky for me. So based on the fact that I was batting 100 (is that good?) I decided to reach out. I figured meeting her for a coffee would at least get us on pleasant terms which honestly is sometimes the best place to be in challenging relationships. She declined. Citing the fact of her parent dying a year ago, she was still in grief and didn’t have the capacity to meet. I think I get it. The ball is in her court and that’s where it will remain. When I walked away from her all those years ago I told her, I have made peace with the failure of our relationship. We shall see what we shall see. Never say never, they say.
The last stop is with another distant family member. Families are complicated don’t you think? I figured I’d go for broke and reach out to her, and see what happened next. She expressed interest and said she would be in contact with me when she finished some training she was in, in about a month or so. She is one to hang on to things, and I inadvertently ended up on that list. Back then I let some time go by and I reached out to explain my intentions. Her parent had also just died so maybe we just need to pour the grace out on those whose loved ones have passed. Clearly they are not themselves. (That is really a whole other blog.) I’m in a holding pattern there too. We shall see.
It’s not entirely up to me. It takes two people to have a healthy relationship. Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to end up being one of your people. Some will come for a while then changing circumstances, feelings, time, and/or geography will take them away. But they left their mark. They made an imprint on you and helped make you who you are today. It helps you know what you don’t want, and sometimes it helps you know what you do. Then there are the newbies. The ones who wander in and you rejoice at their goodness, their positive impact on your life, their graciousness. If you are one of those for me, I thank you. I hope I am the same for you. And to those who’ve stayed the course. Aren’t we the lucky ones? (Which is funny because if you know me you know I don’t believe in luck. That’s a whole other blog…)
Forgiveness is not necessarily an invitation to stay.
— RCN
