There’s a Restlessness - episode 194
As a young girl she wanted to be a nurse because she thought the uniforms were cute. Then she realized the doctors are the ones that tell the nurses what to do so she changed her mind. Tolulope Olabintan did become a doctor. She paid attention to the restlessness inside of her. Of course it wasn’t easy, what is? Tolu did the hard things, made the sacrifices and became confident in her chosen field.
Part of the journey came when her beloved aunt died from asthma. That spurred Tolu on to focus on lifestyle medicine so that what she imparts will outlive her. Big picture thinking, and wanting what’s best for each person, are hallmarks of who she is. Tolulope emphasizes the value of recognizing and nurturing one's own unique talents, and not being distracted by comparing oneself to others. Here, here!
Her 2023 takeaways? This was a “stretchy” year and she realized, “Our challenges are not meant to break us but to increase our capacity.” Mic drop. And her looks ahead into 2024? “It is never too late.” You can make positive changes, try new things, live your best life in the later decades in your 50’s, 60’s and 70’s and on. Follow her advice: don’t give up.
Funny. Hard-worker. Caring.
— Tolulope Olabintan
Why do we Compare?
Thoughts from There’s a Restlessness
Comparing. We all do it in some fashion or another. Some of it is natural, and some of it has become a learned, very unhelpful, pastime. I like Tolu saying that comparison is a distraction. Because how can you really compete with somebody else? There are so many variables that have to be accounted for that by the final analysis it is hardly worth the effort for you clearly cannot make the playing field level. Ever.
I’ve thought a lot about this topic and have come to the following conclusions. When we go to compare ourselves we are typically looking for one of two outcomes. I would argue we’re not fully aware of our motives until after, and that’s only if you are paying attention and willing to go deep within yourself:
I am looking to feel superior even smug about where I stack up against this other person, something about them, or fill in the blank
I am looking to feel inferior about myself, what I have to contribute compared to this other person, something about them, or fill in the blank
Think about it. After comparing yourself to someone else how often do you think, I am exactly where I want to be and I feel so good about it, in the healthiest way possible. That’s right, never. Or possibly, rarely. Plus, you are likely not celebrating how great they are doing or even how poorly.
We are bombarded with information, with visuals, with sounds, with all manner of data coming at us from morning until night. In this age of social media it has become far too easy to compare (plus most of us participate by having one or more platforms we engage in). How one looks, how they are aging, their body type, the clothes they wear, their opportunities, the number of followers they have, whether their business is a success or a failure, are split second thoughts. The list is endless.
It seems like it stems from how we see ourselves. According to multiple sources it can actually be healthy to compare if it leads to personal growth. If is a small word but it packs a lot of punch. It can be motivating if used as a tool as long as it doesn’t do a number on your self-esteem. So there’s that. I think for most of us comparing doesn’t work, it’s not effective. So how do we avoid this trap?
I have two techniques I use that I have found helpful. They haven’t cured me but they send me in the right direction.
If I know looking at something is going to cause me to feel bad about myself or smug about myself, I don’t and won’t go there. I consider it a slippery slope not worth it. Case in point: looking at the number of followers an account has, as I used to consider the higher numbers of greater value, that somehow these people or what they have to offer might be more important. They call these “vanity numbers.” Now I resist the urge. It is a tool but if it doesn’t help you, chuck it.
As if God was talking through me I say to myself, “I don’t care about that, why do you?” Case in point: Let’s say I see a picture and my shallow muscle rears its ugly head, “She shouldn’t wear that.” (Always be careful of “should.”) God says, “I don’t care about that, why do you?” Boy, that one stops me in my tracks from being superficial and critical. It’s humbling and so easy to move on from. It’s a mic drop.
Maybe you don’t need these suggestions. Maybe you have some of your own. I’d love to hear them if you do! Or maybe you are extremely well-adjusted and not prone to any neurosis whatsoever. If so, good for you. Really. I’m not going to compare myself to you, she said with a knowing smile.
Comparing isn’t an accurate measure. You are already full of promise so lean into that.
— RCN
