Being Happy is not My Goal - episode 195
We often say we “just want to be happy” or that we “just want our kids to be happy.” Is that really the goal for our lives? I was on Kelly Robinson’s podcast “Kelly Minds Her Manors” recently and had the opportunity to flesh out some different thoughts I have. It was during her Fearless Five portion of the show when she asked me “Something you think other people value that you don’t.” For me, happiness is fleeting, flighty even, not sustainable and definitely not a goal. That just can’t be it. It doesn’t speak to character-building by going through the hard things, being fulfilled by the weighty things or the great sense of joy which I find a deeper, more satisfying place to be.
So this is me, on Kelly’s show.
Kelly asked me about my coaching style. I shared how much I relish small group work while being hands on throughout. We learn so much from each other when we are willing to be vulnerable. Intimacy is built and there is a safe space to interact, to connect. I want each person I work with to be seen, and to be encouraged. On our way we will set goals and track progress. Think about the person you are in your imagination. Now compare that to how you show up in your real life. Those two should be closely aligned and if they’re not, let’s do some work to get there. You’ll be glad you did.
I now know I can do hard things.
— RCN
So, What is my Goal?
Thoughts from Being Happy is not my Goal
I want to clarify the quote, I now know I can do hard things. If you listened to this podcast episode you’ll remember I was talking about anxiety, specifically panic attacks. They sidelined me from many things as I’ve written about before in these pages. As I mentioned, I’ve reached a place of better understanding, acceptance, and in my case, medication. I recognize meds are not for everyone and I respect each person’s need to make that decision for themselves. In my case it was part of what worked.
In listening to the conversation Kelly and I had, I am reminded of our tagline, Become who you already are. It’s catchy and has a bit of mystery to it. (It’s not even original as I got it from Mike Erre who explains the concept very well.) Yet when you take it apart you will hopefully realize the deeper message underneath. It has taken me most of my life to step into who I am in a way that feels really good and confident. I am more me than I’ve ever been. My need to people-please is down. My penchant for comparison, also down. Embracing my playful side? Up. Saying things I used to keep inside, up. You get the picture.
I like myself more than I used to. I used to be stuck in an insecure place worrying that I was not enough. I typically held back. And that’s why when I see that same reluctance in someone else, to fully own all the parts of who they are, I see the familiar and I want to buoy their spirits, remind them they have value and worth.
A great deal of what I want to do is to inspire, to share, to interact with people so they too can become who they already are. In a word: encourage. That is my goal. I look for ways to serve in this capacity and I know I feel a deep measure of joy and fulfillment when I come alongside someone. It’s what others have done for me and now it’s my turn to do for others.
I just looked up the word encourage. The definition? To stimulate spiritually. Well, I think that is the perfect definition! In addition to loving God, we are to love others, as we love ourselves. Can you say that you do? That you are? Can you say that? It has to start with you. You cannot give something to others you don’t have for yourself. It doesn’t work, or I should say it doesn’t work well. If you are falling short in this department you are definitely not alone. It’s not too late. Choose one goal for 2024 and in each of the 12 months take one step closer. And if you need some support, accountability, or inspiration, let me know. It’s my goal to encourage.
As you love yourself, is truly the first step to loving others.
— RCN
