Who Would You be if You Weren’t Afraid? - episode 233
Becoming in 3: Part 3
So who would you be if you weren’t afraid? The first time I heard that question I stopped in my tracks. The truth of it really spoke to me. That was several years ago and I still think of it often. I’ve come to think of fear and confidence as being on the same continuum. When your fear is high your confidence is low. When you have more confidence, or belief in yourself, your fear is minimized, manageable.
Looking at drying up fear is like the sun shining its light in our growing/blooming analogy.
In this episode we’ll look at five of what I think of as the most common fears that stunt our growth:
• The What-if Game
• Not-good-enough
• People-Pleasing
• The Comparison Trap
• Imposter Syndrome
There are different strategies to counteract each. Check out the blog that goes with this episode for more. Remember that anxiety and worry are giving power to the problem. You need to shine a light on it, know what it is and then decide to work towards not letting fear stop you.
Lastly we will take an overview of confidence and ways we can increase it. There are five p’s to cover and they come courtesy of the wisdom of the guests we had during our recent Confidence Series. Confidence is the fertilizer of the growing, blooming analogy. It is as important as knowing yourself and minimizing fear. It takes all three to fully blossom. And let’s not forget this is our part while we surrender to God (or your higher power) to do theirs. Transformation. That’s part of why we’re here.
Become who you were meant to be.
Me: Decreasing ‘not feeling good enough’ and increasing the focus on ‘what is,’ caring less about people-pleasing.
You Don’t Have to Stay Where You Are
(unless you want to)
Thoughts from Who Would You be if You Weren’t Afraid?
While there are many fears that can bog you down, here are five of the most common. There are at least three strategies to combat each of these. Check them out. Try the ones that appeal to you and skip the ones that don’t. You never know what might work.
The What-If Game
Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques: Stay present-focused through mindfulness meditation or grounding exercises to reduce anxiety about future scenarios.
Challenge Catastrophic Thinking: Question the validity of worst-case scenarios and consider more realistic outcomes.
Problem-Solving Approach: Instead of dwelling on what-ifs, focus on actionable steps to address potential concerns.
Feelings of Not Being Good Enough
Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Replace self-critical thoughts with affirmations and positive self-statements.
Set Realistic Goals: Break down larger goals into smaller, achievable steps to build confidence.
Focus on Strengths: Identify and leverage your strengths rather than fixating on perceived weaknesses.
People-Pleasing
Set Boundaries: Learn to say no when necessary and prioritize your own needs.
Identify Triggers: Recognize situations or people that trigger your people-pleasing behavior and consciously choose healthier responses.
Practice Self-Validation: Focus on your own values and needs rather than seeking constant approval from others.
Impostor Syndrome
Acknowledge Achievements: Keep a record of your successes and revisit them to remind yourself of your capabilities.
Normalize Failure: Understand that everyone experiences setbacks and failures; it doesn’t diminish your worth or competence.
Seek Support and Feedback: Share your feelings with trusted friends, mentors, or counselors who can provide objective perspectives and reassurance.
Comparison Trap: theory: we look to feel better or worse
Limit Social Media: Reduce exposure to social media or unfollow accounts that trigger negative comparisons. (This is what works for me: Not looking at the number of followers, vanity metrics. I look once a day. No notifications. Don’t follow famous people.)
Focus on Personal Growth: Shift focus from others' achievements to your own progress and growth. (I’m right where I’m supposed to be.)
Practice Gratitude: Cultivate gratitude for what you have accomplished and the unique qualities you possess. (I have a lot to be thankful for, and so do you.)
Just like with fertilizer, if you sprinkle a little confidence it helps things grow. The same is true for me, for you. Here are the five p’s of confidence as shared by the UY guests during our Confidence Series. So much wisdom!
Physical
Stand up tall, head up, chest out
Wear something beautiful, that you feel beautiful in. Think of a woman who is confident: How does she present physically? Audrey Hepburn and Sofia Loren were not afraid to show up as themselves – they were unique, different. Think of Taylor Swift and red lipstick.
Prepare
Choose one small area NEW or to get BETTER in (I went ‘live’ on Instagram as an example)
3-5 steps to head there
Research
Track progress
People
1-2 people who encourage you
For guidance, accountability
Mentor?
Collaboration ideas
Psyche
Listen to what you say to yourself
Say positive things to yourself
Focus on what-is
Collect inspiration: quotes, artwork, other
Practice
Do it scared (I did, I bet you can think of a time you did too)
Act as-if
Self-care
Keep track
Quiet time to reflect
Take one more step (repeat)
It’s your choice so, what will it be? Full bloom, tight in the bud, or somewhere in between.
It’s funny. I thought repurposing this workshop would lighten my work load for a couple of weeks but the reality was it took longer. I think that’s because I really poured over the content, spent more time editing, etc. It didn’t follow the regular UY framework. Next week we will be back to our traditional format with a guest and a conversation. We will be starting our Grief & Gratitude Series which is very near and dear to my heart. See you then.
Make a small change to make a big difference.
You can start on the outside or the inside. It doesn’t matter. Just start.
