You’ve got this: RESILIENCY - episode 58
I am pleased about the topic this week’s guest wanted to discuss: mental health. The stigma, awareness and the importance of having conversations about it to be normalized like any other part of our health. Walking us through this is Libni. His knowledge, experience and advocacy moved me deeply. I agree with everything he said! Plus I asked a lot of questions to capture some of his insights. He has a special heart for women of color as they navigate the system that typically underserves them. I feel more enlightened after what I learned from Libni. I imagine you will too.
We agree that conversations change the world. So it’s time, high time, past time, we started talking. Asking questions, coming alongside others that need to be seen and heard. Really isn’t that all of us? In this context we are advocating for those who are struggling with mental health issues. I think it’s safe to say we all know someone who has struggled in this area. It might even be you. Or me. And if so, it’s more than okay to say so and to talk about it. Let’s be the love we all need. It can start with a simple question, How are you? And take it from there.
Passionate. Direct. Silly.
— Libni
Panic at the Disco
Thoughts from You’ve got this. RESILIENCY.
Sweaty palms. Rapid heartbeat. Racing thoughts. Shallow, quick breaths. Stomach churning. Muscles tense. Inability to be still. The intense desire to flee along with paralysis and the inability to really move or talk. Both, and. Things are not “right.” Starting to feel like things aren’t “real.” What is happening to me? This is a panic attack. It is what I remember from various points in my past. Age 16. Age 21. Age 28. Age 42.
And there was shame. Stigma. Who would understand? I didn’t even understand. I “dealt” with it which basically means ignoring it and certainly not talking about it. Nobody else ever felt this way or could possibly understand what I experienced. There is something really wrong with me!
I finally broke down at age 21 and told my mom I needed to see someone. I had, over time, become agoraphobic. Left untreated panic disorder, which I am a person with (thank you, Libni), can grow while simultaneously shrinking your world at the exact same time. I was desperate. I called a psychologist who told me finding a therapist was like trying on shoes. You might need to try on a few before you get a good fit. So in my mind this elderly gentlemen with a cardigan, beard, glasses and gray hair would guide me through whatever this was. Imagine my shock when I walked in and saw a handsome young man before me!
He immediately put me at ease. He told me this was anxiety and many people were challenged as I was. Really? Wow, this was news. He told me it was treatable. And easily so. I felt immediate relief impossible to adequately describe. We went on to work together for almost 2 years. He gave me homework and I did it. I got better. Food tasted good again, my world was expanding, and my panic attacks subsided.
Jump to age 28. They are back and with a vengeance! I enroll in a program specifically for anxiety and brought along my friend as my support person. We had homework each week. I learned you can’t be relaxed and tense at the same time. I learned to look for my triggers and warning signs, to challenge myself in areas important to me, and to accept there would be some things I would choose not to do. And that was ok.
One time we had homework where we had to tell someone else. Share with them the panic disorder that challenged/changed my life. I don’t know that I’ve ever been more nervous. Unexpected surprise! The friend I told was compassionate, listened and was immediately supportive. It looked like things might turn out okay.
Next up age 42. I am menopausal and my hormones are out of whack. I’m hypoglycemic. I’m not sleeping, eating well, and I am depressed/anxious. In the midst of this we’ve just adopted our last child, a girl. Life is good but it doesn’t feel good. After consulting with professionals I understood I have panic disorder. As my mom says, I come by it honestly. Turns out it runs in the family! No one really talked about it because of the shame each individual felt. So I got the help I needed. I also had compassion for myself. I understood these times were all huge milestones for me that I was having difficulty navigating. The disorder took care of that. I get it now. I lean into it.
There is my reveal. My sharing something that makes me, me. Vulnerable? Yes. If Libni and lots of other people want to eliminate the stigma of mental health then it needs to start everywhere it can, and with everyone who is willing to have conversations that will change the world.
While I don’t remember having a panic attack at a disco, it’s entirely possible I did at some point! I do like to dance…
Don’t assume I’m weak because I have panic attacks. You’ll never know the amount of strength it takes to face the world every day.
Unknown
There are many others along with a wide variety of mental health challenges. Many celebrities have come forward to share. It’s a great start and necessary if we are going to grow awareness and normalize something that is a part of the human experience. Like Ben said last week, You are not alone.
My dark days made me strong. Or maybe I was already strong and they made me prove it.
Emery Lord
