3 Wishes? Wish for Wisdom - Episode 27
We covered two big topics in this episode with Bryn. One, her realized aspirations of becoming a licensed architect and how challenging it was. She didn’t complain she just plain did it. Lots of hard work and all worth it as you will hear. Second, she shares with us about her recent miscarriage and the inspiration that came from the loss. It’s all hopeful because she desires to make good out of it. And she will because that’s who she is. She perseveres in the best way possible.
Tenacious.
Confident.
Optimistic.
— Bryn
Offer the Assist
Thoughts from 3 Wishes? Wish for Wisdom
In our conversation we talked about offering the assist - helping those who you see have a need. It’s a beautiful thing to cultivate this awareness because it can be of tremendous benefit to those on the receiving end.
as·sist /əˈsist/ verb help (someone), typically by doing a share of the work.
This is an often used term in basketball as I learned by watching The Last Dance the docu-series about the Chicago Bulls and obviously focusing on Michael Jordan. (He is mentioned in a previous UY episode, I AM a Warrior.) We know MJ is a phenomenal player. What I learned by watching though was how important Scottie Pippen was to the team. He was a super talent to be sure and it seems he specialized in assists. I looked it up and sure enough his career stat has that number at 6,135. That is one mighty large number!
I’d like to think that over my lifetime I have the opportunity to offer that many assists. Do you know a woman alive who couldn’t use some support? Here’s the thing: when we are in need, we don’t tend to ask. Or if we are asked, How can I help? We default to, That’s ok, I’m fine. Or words to that effect. This is where we need to be unapologetic about receiving. It is sometimes so hard for us to do!
To those in need: please receive the offer with grace and gratitude. Admit you could use some help. It’s ok to be specific. You will feel good releasing some of what you can’t do (we are amazing but we can’t do it all all the time), and the giver will feel good in lending a hand.
To those in the position to offer the assist: Ask. You may not get a “real” answer so start looking. Where is the need? How can you alleviate what is currently too much or just show up in friend-friend support? Some thoughts:
Resources - a big one. Could be recommending professional service or product of some kind, or supplying the product itself. Bringing over a meal, or treats, wine, gift cards to help lighten the load. Share a book, movies, TV shows, website, new app, other. Pass down clothes or other items that could be reused.
Time - covers a lot of ground. Time to help with stuff around the house? Organization? Work-related? Errands? Kids? How about a “thinking about you text,” FaceTime appointment or an actual phone call the old fashioned way? Or maybe your friend needs some time away: coffee, breakfast, any meal, happy hour, slumber party, girls weekend away.
In this time of forced slowing down due to Covid, I think there are some silver linings to be found. For me the slowing down (being laid off sure helped too) has guided me to be more thoughtful about my relationships with my women friends. I’ve been choosing one or two each day to reach out to and connect with. It’s been a fulfilling time of being present and renewing the value of catching up. That is one of the ways I am offering the assist. Giving my time to another to let them know they mean something to me. I think time is the biggest gift we can share with one another. Offer the assist.
A true friend unbosoms (discloses) freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably.
— William Penn
