An Encouraging Trio of Questions & Quotes - episode 217
We all have gifts we have been given that help define who we are. There are things that light us up and bring us joy. Often we let fear get in the way of exploring them or bringing them to fruition. May these questions and quotes inspire you to work past the fear and get to your passion so you can make it your purpose.
What are you waiting for?
Who would you be if you weren’t afraid?
What’s the worst thing that could happen?
Listen as I share some thoughts around these questions and pair them with powerful quotes that have made a profound difference in my life. May they begin to do the same for you.
Don’t let fear win.
You miss out if it does.
Anxiety was the Best Teacher
Thoughts from An Encouraging Trio of Questions & Quotes
It’s funny how you can look back and realize that some of your darkest times end up being where you learn the most, grow the most. This is true for me. I would say that my experience with anxiety has been one of my best teachers. It stretched me in ways I could not have imagined. Once again this is something I would never have volunteered for yet I am grateful to have had my time with it.
Looking back I would say I was a sensitive child. I had fear and sometimes I worried. I learned to play the “what-if” game and got all too good at it. There were many stretches of great times when the creature of anxiety was nowhere to be seen. And yet. When I chart the times the creature played a starring role in my life it would be times of great change. I didn’t realize it at the time, and it wasn’t until more recent years that I realized that was the case.
Riding my bike to high school is one of the times I remember having strange physical sensations. This would inevitably happen on cloudy days when the combination of haziness and the motion of the bike lent themselves to feelings of reality not being real. Then of course a quick moment of panic steps in instead of letting a bit of time pass when your mind rights itself naturally. I remember telling my cousin who I rode with, and I’m not sure she knew what to make of it. Sometimes riding felt “weird.” I had no other language for it. I would push the experience down and continue on with my day. It didn’t stay in the forefront of my mind. This likely happened a handful of times.
Now I’m sixteen. I don’t remember what was going on except that there was a growing awareness I was in fact growing up. I had been in an abusive relationship and I have no doubt it played with my feelings of vulnerability. I remember having panic attacks in my bedroom. I didn’t know what to call them, just that I felt an elevated sense of panic with no real reason why. At least not seemingly. Once again I pushed it down and said nothing. Did nothing about it.
As I recount in this episode my anxiety increased. I had transferred colleges to one that was quite large and I felt like a fish out of water. I was a commuter student and it felt so far from home. I did not feel safe driving there or being there. I’ve since learned the feeling of safety is key to managing anxiety. I began to have panic attacks each morning on the way to school. It is a wonder I didn’t crash my car as I have no doubt I was not always driving in the safest of ways. My world began to shrink. I made it through the semester, barely. The cost was high as now I didn’t like driving and did not want to be far from home. I would later understand this is called agoraphobia.
My panic kept increasing. I was afraid of being afraid. I finally told my mom I needed help. She found a therapist and I began to work with him. It changed the trajectory of my life. I found out these were panic attacks (they have a name?), other people had them (they do?) and this was highly treatable (really?). This began the work of desensitization through practicing. I learned to let the air out of playing what-if (so effective) and things started to look up. I transferred back to the college where I started, where I felt more at home, where it was smaller and I was known. I felt safe.
At age twenty-eight anxiety came back to rear its ugly head. I was a newly single mother and I think I felt the weight of being an adult, now responsible for another person, as overwhelming. This time I didn’t wait. I enrolled in a program and I learned more strategies that have stayed with me to this day. My friend Sandy was my partner in this and she was a lifesaver in support and encouragement. Phew! I tamed the beast once again.
Next up I’m forty-two. I’m a hormonal, menopausal mess and we’ve just recently adopted a baby. I am once again overwhelmed. Anxiety is back with a vengeance. I got out the materials from the past, only they weren’t as effective. It seems that with each go-round I’ve developed more building blocks that helped yet I need a new strategy each time to maximize effectiveness. This time, quite reluctantly, I tried medication. It was as if someone turned the lights on and I could not only see clearly, but I was me, more me than I thought possible.
So what did I learn?
desensitization - chunk big goals into small portions that can be easily mastered; the worst thing that could happen ends up being not that big of a deal, and if it is you will figure it out
triggers - know what yours are, know the difference between a hard no and doing something that scares you a little; you can’t be relaxed and anxious at the same time
medication - some people don’t have enough serotonin; it’s not your fault but it is your responsibility
If you are someone who can relate to any of this, you are not alone. Google whatever your challenge is and you will see what I mean. We need to be more accepting, understanding and knowledgeable about the matters of the mind. If my willingness to share what I’ve been through helps you, inspires you to do the same, encourages you to be there for someone else, then I will feel very honored that I have shared.
I’ve written about my experience with anxiety in the blog Panic at the Disco.
Let what is hard grow you.
Be knowledgeable about matters of the mind.
