Being an Agent of Change - episode 111
Jenah Kuderman is cool. In every way possible. Her style, her warmth, her deep care for others. I imagine that’s what drew me to her. She was on a lounge chair poolside in the shade with her husband Bryan. We soon got to know them and found we had similar thoughts about lots of things including faith. What is true, noble and right - love as the full stop answer to all, and what is not - anything that is not love or keeps people out because of who they are.
This is a longer episode because we went deep in these matters. Remember this, “My identity is not in convincing others that they are wrong,” as said by Mike Erre, and I relate to it 100%. This conversation will especially appeal to those who have struggled with feeling like the Christianity you were raised in, or subscribed to, is no longer the one you recognize. Maybe you’ve panned out and made your viewpoint bigger, and bigger still. Or maybe you’re curious about the progression of spirituality in others. I didn’t know Jenah and I were on similar paths of deconstruction and reconstruction until we had this conversation. I sure am glad we did.
Fun/funny. Scrappy. Problem-solver.
— Jenah Kuderman
A Woman of Faith
Thoughts from Being an Agent of Change
Jenah and I had a no-holds-barred conversation. There are so many things I want to say about it. For starters I am grateful to Jenah for being herself. I applaud this kind of authenticity which you well know if you’ve been a listener of the podcast and/or a reader of the accompanying blogs. Next I want to be clear we are discussing our own individual faith journeys. Yours may not be the same. You may not be able to relate. The point here is everyone is figuring out their own stuff and that is exactly as it should be. My identity is not in trying to convince other people they are wrong, said by Mike Erre. I believe this whole-heartedly.
A little about my own faith adventure. As I’ve written about before I grew up Catholic at a time when Jesus was practically a hippie because he was all about love. We sang folk songs to guitars. It was all positive. At least that’s how I remember it. Then in my early twenties I dabbled in a non-denominational church, when I even went. It’s a pretty typical time to question your thoughts about things. After having a child I went back to Catholicism, even teaching at a parochial school for 10 years. I enjoyed it - it was comfortable. Yet for many of us it was not at all uncommon to differ from the hardliners. Like with divorce or with birth control. This undoubtedly made me “cafeteria-style” as in pick and choose. I was okay with that.
When Ron and I got married we blended families. Going to church became a rotational schedule, mass one week, the presbyterian church the other as that was the church Ron and his kids went to. It didn’t take long to see this wasn’t working for any of us. We stopped going all together. One Easter I announced we needed to go to church so we found a non-denominational one and all five of us actually liked it. We continued to go for about seven years. It was a mega church though, and we didn’t feel connected. We tried a different, smaller church and felt right at home. We stayed there about a dozen years.
Ok, so I’ve shared a lot about churches we attended, what about what I believe. What about that? Well I would say I’ve been all over the map. Here are a few examples:
The Bible is figurative | the Bible is literal | the Bible is both | I don’t know for sure, only God does and I’m ok with that
God created | it happened in a literal 7 days | 7 days is figurative | evolution and creation can somehow co-exist | I don’t know for sure, only God does and I’m ok with that
You need to say a certain prayer to be saved | God doesn’t send people to hell | the construct of eternity is bigger than we think, his love is boundless | I don’t know for sure, only God does and I’m ok with that
The Bible is inerrant | there is history, prophecy and wisdom in the Bible | it’s the story of God’s people and Jesus coming | I don’t know for sure, only God does and I’m ok with that
My arriving at this point is realizing God is much bigger than I can ever imagine. His mercy is vast. His love is luxurious. His plan is more than plentiful. I don’t have to have all of this figured out because that is where my trust in him comes in. That is where my faith in him comes in. Do I believe Jesus the Christ was the Son of God, both divine and human? Yes, I do. Do I understand how it all goes together? No, definitely not. Do I expect you to believe as I do? No, you have your own story to experience.
I have mixed emotions around being identified as Christian. In it’s purest form I love what it means. Yet it has become a trigger word because there are those who have given it a bad name with strict legalism, wall-building, and narrow minds. It sounds kind of familiar if you’ve ever read the gospels, right? Any way you slice it, positive or negative, I am a woman of faith. God knows and he’s more than okay with that.
People don’t take trips, trips take people.
— John Steinbeck
Quesaria Ampitheater, Haifa, Israel
