Bullied. Survived. Now I THRIVE - episode 44
Being bullied. Have you ever been bullied? Or maybe you look back and can think of a time you were less than kind to someone else. Maybe intimidating or domineering. I invited this week’s guest, Jillian, to come on the show after I read a social media post she wrote about being bullied as a child. I wanted to understand how she survived and how she reached the place to thrive.
After listening: Her parents. Didn’t you get the sense that she would have turned out differently if she didn’t have the foundation her parents provided for her? I admire them. And I admire Jillian for taking something painful and ugly, and choosing to heal, to make it beautiful by becoming an educator. She can make a difference. And she will. She already is.
Passionate.
Hard-working. Genuine.
— Jillian
Jillian’s social media post:
I was pretty much bullied K-12th. I was too big, too small, too weird (confident), too loud, I walked funny, my face, apparently seeing me mad/upset was funny/amusing. I was cyber bullied, I had to change classes to get away from said bullies, I almost transferred schools too. I wasn't a "good performer", I was too cocky, I was eldest, I was too nice & me just being me. All BS reasons to bully a person, who was just trying to live their (my) life while dealing with their (my) severe ADD.
Unfortunately half way through my senior year of high school I had 0 friends. 1 girl turned the entire Drama department against me & almost my whole choir. I skipped several days of school because of how bad it was & I had NEVER done that before. As much as we try to let it go & TRUST ME, I have grown A LOT from those experiences, it still unfortunately creeps in from time to time. I was bullied during my formative years. I feel like bullies don't understand that. Like yeah it was High School & gradually you realize you're better than those bullies & luckily you don't have to deal with them or people like them on a daily basis, but it still hurt. Like everyone during those years, we're still maturing & growing. We don't know how to process it as we would now. So it's never because we're babies or whatever, it's because we LITERALLY went through TRAUMA. I remember both people, the bullies & the people who treated me like a person.
So thank you to those of you who treated me with respect & friendship. :)
Thank you to those of you who saw me for me & valued me. :) I hope I made you feel the same way :)
Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom
Thoughts from Bullied. Survived. Now I THRIVE
Jillian was an individual that was bullied. I think it would be fair to say as a group African-Americans have been dominated (bullied) by a white culture whose ignorance has kept them at a distance for as long as they have been here. Captured and forced to come under unimaginable circumstances they had a drive to survive even when they didn’t. When people are different than we are, our reaction is often fear. They are other. And if we have power then it can become a natural thing to oppress. I am superior. You are inferior. The one-up thing. Why is that natural? Maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s learned. Brene Brown said, People are hard to hate up close. I think that is a profound truth.
Let’s put a major caveat here. Not ALL white people have been oppressive. Some have fought for the rights of others. Tirelessly. With great hope. Out of conscience, out of a strong moral compass that says, All men are created equal. And yet inequality is still happening today. Clearly things need to change. One place to start is with awareness. For as far as we’ve come, we have much farther to go. That that is the first thing that struck me by viewing this latest adaptation of an August Wilson play.
It will be an exceedingly difficult task to explain the effect the movie, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom had on me. Let’s start with the fact that I speak from a place of white privilege. I have lived a comfortable middle-class life in Southern California for most of my life. I do not know racial prejudice first-hand. As a woman of faith I do know we are all created equal. And yet I can see it does not always work that way for everyone. So back to the movie. I watched it because I respect the work of August Wilson having seen the plays Jitney, Two Trains Running, and the adapted movie Fences and currently Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom.
August Wilson is prolific. With raw, real, rhythmic dialogue you come to know a group of people who are somehow connected. Beyond that you see and feel their struggle. Their challenges. Their triumphs. They live under the foot of the white man. As we were talking about this after viewing, I was explaining to Ron this image, this feeling I had of trying to live under this foot. I even lifted my foot up in demonstrating my point. And then it hit me. I was using an all-too-true gesture that was literal for George Floyd. It was more than ironic. More than a coincidence. It was REAL.
I’m not sure what to do with this newest layer of depth I feel for what has been suffered. What has been lost. What could possibly help in the healing? On a micro level I want to make sure I see and hear each person I am connected to, or come in contact with. I want to celebrate our differences and learn more. Honor one another. On a macro level, I’m not sure. Would a letter from our president expressing the outrage of the past in some detail, outlining steps for the future be enough? And what about reparations? Would that help? What could it look like? Would it make a difference? Would it be enough? I want to know how to move forward. I want to know how we can each make, and be, the difference.
I don’t have the answers. Obviously. But this is one of the things I love so much about performing arts. They make me think. They make me feel. They change me. For the better. Thank you, August Wilson for your body of work. Thank you for Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom.
Have a belief in yourself that is bigger than anyone’s disbelief.
- August Wilson
