Coaching Changed the Way She Sees Things - Part 2 (episode 302-2)
Conversations can lead to better places.
Through them we express ourselves, we learn about others, and we can work out misunderstandings. Coaches can help with this. Here’s where we get stuck according to guest Becky Brouwer: we are afraid of doing it ‘wrong’. But what if you have the freedom to design your own life already? You just have to believe it.
Becky wants to coach people to see the story they have been telling themselves that keeps them limited. We each can make a decision, it doesn’t have to be perfect, it doesn’t even have to be good, it simply needs to be a choice, a step forward towards a goal. And if it doesn’t go ‘right’? There are many paths up the mountain and you can adjust accordingly. Each time. Every time.
Becky is our guest this week in our series What’s with All the Coaches and Why you Might Need One. This is part two of our conversation.
You can find Becky at beckycoaching.com and on Instagram Sendy Mom.
I need to have a challenge… This is not me failing, this is just me, you know, doing the best I can, and this is growth.
— Becky Brouwer
It’s Ok to Get it Wrong
Thoughts from Coaching Changed the Way She Sees Things - Part 2
Becky and I are in our last week of what I call, ‘practice clients’. These are clients that belong to the woman who has been training us, so they are not really ours. It’s been very generous of her to allow her own clients to get coached by us. They know we are learning, so there is grace. We know we are learning, so there is patience.
A couple of weeks ago I had a ‘practice client’ who was forlorn because she wasn’t making high-earning, consistent money. She has an extremely narrow niche and I was admittedly surprised she had been so successful. Ok, I didn’t say a thing about that, I kept the surprise to myself. Towards the end of our call, she proceeded to tell me what makes a good coach. She was giving me pointers, I’m assuming because she thought I could do better: Listen more, ask more questions, that sort of thing.
Now I was a bit taken aback as I didn’t remember asking her for feedback. I took it as graciously as I could. During our call she had dropped the name of the coach who is training us, as the client is in a couple of her other programs. Hmmm. I felt certain I was in trouble; I felt like I had failed. (You remember, perfectionistic tendencies.)
On our next coach-training call, I decided I would raise my hand and talk about it. This is something we do on some of our calls, as we learn so much from each other. I shared that the client had given me feedback, and that I was feeling like I didn’t do it right, like I might be in trouble. And for my ‘feeling’ (this is part of the model), I felt ashamed. After all, wasn’t this woman going to report my inferiority?
Then the most miraculous thing happened. Our coach, this woman we are learning from, told me she wanted me to get it wrong, she wanted me to make mistakes, she wanted me to be bad at this. At least initially, while we were practicing these new skills. This is where the growing takes place. Whoa! I had not expected that. Many fellow trainees reached out to encourage me and to say they could relate. Another gift.
Then the other day I was listening to a podcast with Brene Brown and Adam Grant. Adam was sharing how he was a diver in college and how his coach told him, I want you to get it wrong, Adam. Lots of times. In doing it wrong, over and over again, you will learn to make adjustments, and your diving will be better still having gone through that process. Another confirmation.
Don’t you love how God works? He actually wants us to get things wrong. In doing so we become more and more our best selves. That is a big part of why we are here in the first. So be willing to get it wrong, and be okay with it. You’ll be better off in the long run.
It’s only difficult if you don’t try.
— Peeking at the audience before the wedding
