Her Shifted Mindset Became a Game Changer - episode 157
Little did she know a failed exam would change the course of her life. Or more to the point, choosing and being vulnerable to share she had failed, opened a whole new avenue to support others. Bryn Young is a licensed architect who has built a business helping people pass the arduous six exams required for licensure. She took a hard thing and made it good.
I want to be sure to share Bryn and I are related. In technical terms she’s my stepdaughter and in more loving terms she’s one of our kids. It’s been my pleasure to watch her become the woman she is. She’s seen me go through hard things and we’ve gone through some together. That’s the thing. You don’t know what the hard parts will teach you, and how it will help you speak life into others. Accepting a setback, learning from it, and doing the work will likely bring you to a new mindset: a gentle, positive, affirming way to see things, and to see yourself. This, and more, is what Bryn is about. Listen to what you are saying to yourself, about yourself.
Don’t worry about what other people think so much.
— Bryn Young, advice to her 10-year-old self
I Like the Woman She has Become
Thoughts from Her Shifted Mindset Became a Game Changer
I met her at a swim class when she was a baby. She had a full head of hair that flopped in the wind. Little did any of us know that several years later I would be married to her dad. Bryn Young is family. She was six when we joined families. I found her a little bit quiet, very observant, and yet quick to smile with those big chocolate-brown eyes. She let me braid her hair, and took to me quickly with endearing looks that would melt your heart. They sure did mine. When she was tired or grouchy which wasn’t very often, watch out! Bryn could dig in her heels. That would come in handy later on. She had a penchant for rearranging her room frequently, and if truth be told, she was the likely culprit behind our own silverfish invasion. I was helping clean out her closet, which hadn’t been tackled in a long while and a mass exodus of the little guys were everywhere as they scurried away after being discovered. Maybe that’s why they still freak her out a bit.
I look back and see we were close. It felt so at the time too. Then the teenage years came, and next is the shift as they grow away from you towards their own independence. Coupled with the fact that her parents saw, and did things very differently, it had to be more than difficult to navigate such conflicting waters. I can see my own responsibility in doing what I thought was right but missing the mark completely. Sometimes my heart aches for what I know now that I didn’t then. It comes back to what I learned as a young adult in my 20s and something I’ve written about in these pages. People do the best they can, and when they know better they do better. Anything you want, and need, is now up to you to find, and get, for yourself. It’s not an excuse. It’s a reality. And it’s one in which you forgive the holes that are evident in your own upbringing, and take responsibility for the wholeness you want for yourself. I think this is key, and honestly I wish more people operated this way. I think it’s healthy and full of grace.
To my stepchildren I would say: Please forgive me for the times I sorely missed the mark, for not fully seeing you when you needed to be seen, for not understanding when it would have been far better for us all if I did, and for laying on you values you didn’t choose. We can’t go back. Yes, I would do it very differently if I could. Now there is peace in knowing I have beautiful relationships with all three of you. I don’t always know how you feel about me, and I think sometimes that has caused me to take half a step back. Because really what choice do you have? You are all adults. I am married to your dad and have been for many years. God willing it will be many more. I hope you know me well enough now to choose to have a relationship with me, not one by default. Either way you are still loved by me.
And as for Bryn? Well, she grew up, all the way up as a wife, mom, licensed architect, and business woman. As an entrepreneur she is kicking ass and taking names if you’ll indulge the expression. I like the woman she has become. I can say I admire her, and she inspires me. Thanks Bryn for sharing your life with me.
You may not have my eyes or my smile, but you’ll always have my heart.
— Bryn, age 7
