It’s Not What You Think: The Many Disguises of Fear - episode 294
What do perfectionism, comparison trap, self-doubt, and imposter-syndrome all have in common? They are all rooted in FEAR.
There’s also fear of failure, being invisible, identity shifts, people-pleasing, and regret to name a few more. Yes, these are rooted in fear too.
Do any of these sound familiar?
I’m not enough
What if I get it wrong?
What will people think?
What if I fail…or succeed?
My time has passed.
It’s safe not to want more.
Today’s episode The Many Disguises of Fear, comes from our First Thursday Webinar of the same name. We look at how we can become more aware of fear in our life, so that we can start to turn it down. We will never get rid of it completely but we can soften its impact.
We’ve given suggestions on how to combat some common ones like comparison and self-doubt, waiting and overthinking, playing small, fear of failure & success, ‘it’s too late’ thinking, and avoidance disguised as peace - you know, settling.
And if you want to see how you are showing up in your life right now, ask for the 6 Disguises of Fear Checklist & Reflection guide. Email us at unabashedyou@gmail.com.
We are taking a brief pause in our series Permission to Want More. We will resume that shortly. Stay tuned.
You can show up one way, and not be aware that fear is keeping you small.
— Turn down the fear however it shows up
Turn it Down
Thoughts from It’s Not What You Think: The Many Disguises of Fear
I often joke about my own shortcomings: Do you want them alphabetized, chronological, or by percentage? I think it’s a fun way for me to say I am aware and can even joke about it. Aren’t my shortcomings merely an opportunity to grow in those areas? Or maybe/and they are a place of total and complete acceptance. No matter what they are, you can choose one of these paths.
Let’s look at an example. I like things to be organized. I like my surroundings to be tidy. I like soothing colors, minimalism with a splash of color. I find it difficult to relax if there is chaos around me with lots of stuff, lots of colors coming at me (perceptual, I know). I think this comes from my anxious-self which seeks control, and I think it also comes from being a highly-sensitive person. I recognize that I feel more peace if my surroundings are visually ‘in place’ and they are not too much or too loud. Of course this is subjective.
I’ve gotten more relaxed in my acceptance level. You cannot raise five children and expect all the stuff to be in place at all times. I was not willing to be a full-on stress-case all of the hours I was in my home. So I loosened this part up out of need. It was good for me. I grew in this area and I accepted the rest. I don’t need to change it entirely and quite frankly, I don’t want to. I recognize it’s part of me.
Another offshoot of this, for me, is perfectionism. This is something I’ve been working on for years. Once I understood what it was, I saw myself in it. (Shocker! Ha, I gest.) My awareness led me to a hunger for learning more. I started processing and saw it was an area I wanted to minimize. When we first blended our families, decorating the Christmas tree was a tense time for me. Putting decorations too close together or the same color too close together, brought me stress. Of course I didn’t express that. I simply rearranged a few (so they likely wouldn’t notice) the next day. It took years and lots of practice. Now I honestly don’t care about the placement of the ornaments. It’s gotten so much better because I don’t need the tree to be ‘perfect’. I choose to be in the joy of having a tree and of seeing the decorations on it each year.
In case you’re wondering what the characteristics of perfectionism are (to see if you recognize yourself in any or all of these):
Setting unrealistic standards (check, examples above)
Fear of failure and mistakes (yep)
All of nothing thinking (not so much)
Procrastination and task avoidance (not as much)
Excessive self-criticism (I have a master’s degree in this one)
I am currently reading Brene Brown’s book Imperfect. It is helping me continue my education in understanding not only what or why but also that you can loosen up the grip and release some of this. That’s the point of looking at the many disguises of fear. First that we recognize how fear can become so many things which are not at all helpful for us, but that through awareness we can choose to turn it down. That is the power of awareness. That is the power of learning. That is the power of choice, of intention, of growing.
So which of your fears will you turn down first?
Spent time trying to find the ‘perfect’ Zoom background. There is no such thing!
— I’m back to blurring. It’s ‘good enough’.
