She Found the Answers - Part 1 (episode 286-1)
There’s no escaping the hard things.
They come whether you want them to or not. And sometimes you have little or no control over the outcome.
In the heaviness of a painful season, sometimes you’re called to do things you didn’t anticipate, and maybe didn’t even want to do. Yet here you are in the midst of it. The only way out is through. You put on your big girl pants as they say, and you do the thing as well as you can.
Paula Romang knows this quite well. She is the mom of twins, and the special needs caregiver to one of them who was born with serious health challenges. Fighting the good fight as each day was long and arduous, Paula did her best and leaned on her faith to carry her through. How else could she have done it? Then the reality of her son’s death at age twelve. As she shares, in this experience she found answers and her faith remained intact.
Thriving in the Barren Place is the book she wrote about this experience, all she learned, and how she persevered.
Paula is our guest this week for Spicy Christian Women - Becoming all that and a bag of chips. This is part one.
You can find Paula at www.paularomang.com
Resilient. Hopeful. Grounded.
— Paula Romang
You Can Do Hard Things
Thoughts from She Found the Answers
Paula shared with us a very hard, tender story about her twins, most especially the one with special needs that required so much of her for his care. She didn’t ask for this. What happens when the hard thing comes? How do you handle it?
Well I guess that depends. It likely depends on your beliefs. It also depends on how severe the thing is, how much it requires of you, how deep this thing might affect you. Death? Disease? Disorder? If we’re talking about the more serious things then a lot goes into play.
How do you think you would handle finding yourself in a situation that requires a tremendous amount of your time, emotion, energy and resources? We’re talking the BIG stuff. There are certainly things we choose that do not serve us but they may help us escape, however momentary and fleeting.
Denial. Dwelling. Confusion. Panic. Overindulging. Giving up. Staying stuck. Not dealing. Not healing. Not feeling.
Haven’t we each done some or all of these to varying degrees when we find ourselves in some of the worst life can throw at us? Yes, yes, and yes.
I can remember a time when I was in heavy denial about the end of a relationship. ‘If I just wait long enough for him to change or to grow up, then everything is going to work out.’ No, it didn’t go that way even after second and third chances. I recognize in myself that I had a pattern of staying too long in relationships that were not working, were not the healthiest, and were not ‘growing forward’ as we like to say here. Once I finally hit that wall of ‘I’m done’ there was no going back. It was more than high time.
I’d like to think that with all these years under my belt, I would reach that place much sooner now. That I would say I’m not willing to work on this, seemingly by myself. And that is part of the answer. I’ve also learned that I like my own company, and being alone is not nearly as scary as it once was. In fact I rather like it.
The better choice in dealing with what will undoubtedly be a painful chapter, is to accept the sorrow, grieve what will not be, and yes, be grateful for the experience because in it you will find loads of gifts. Maybe not right away, but they are there for the mining if you’re up to the challenge.
Also, I recognize more and more that we typically feel at least 2 different, or more, emotions simultaneously. Excited and scared is a common one. No matter what the combination, it is critical to let them come. Name them. Share them. Express them. This will help so much with how well you heal.
I believe there are many people out there who have not healed from past wounds because they have not let themselves feel, and/or they have not done the work. (No, we are never ‘done’ and yes, we keep the scars, the memories.). We have a fear of dredging up past hurts, or going deep into the unknown. But is the alternative of sentencing yourself to some kind of emotional purgatory any better? No, I don’t think so. Yes, these things can be hard but remember, You can do hard things. I know you can.
I have told this girl “You can do hard things” endless times. Sometimes she says it to me.
— We both believe it
Mother-daughter trip, Laguna Beach
