The Courage to Want More After the Career - Part 1 (episode 291-1)
He’s getting close to retirement and wondering what the next chapter will look like.
What’s left?
Mike Pittman has some great ideas about how he will move forward. Of course there is some trepidation too, just like with any big change, we wonder how it will go, what it will look like. Thankfully Mike’s got lots of inspiration for us to follow his example of being brave enough to try some things out - like writing and singing. Music will play a part in what’s next and so will travel and lots of family time. His advice? Don’t give it a second thought. He’s not, and we’re here to cheer him on.
Mike Pitman is our guest this week for Permission to Want More: What’s Next and What’s Left. This is part one of our conversation.
You can find him on Instagram at Tall Bald Mike Photography.
Don’t give it a second thought.
—- The title of a would-be movie based on his life
You Are the Plant
Thoughts from The Courage to Want More After the Career - Part 1
So why on earth did we decide to have a series called Permission to Want More: What’s Next and What’s Left? Well, that’s pretty easy. It seems that plenty of people stop short. You could see that as stopping short of potential, of what’s possible, or even wanting to be fulfilled and live a fulfilling life. How about all of the above?
When you head into your third act (0-30 as act one, 30-60 as act two, and 60+ as act three) you recognize that it’s go-time. You become acutely aware of the limited time that is left. And honestly, no one knows how long that is. Not everyone even makes it to act three. So if you have, consider yourself blessed. Yes, it is a very large number, to be sure. But apparently there is more for you to do, more for you to be.
I asked my handy-dandy friend Google AI, Why we have a hard time giving ourselves permission. Here are the results:
Fear of Judgment and Failure: There is a fear that taking risks or making choices for yourself will lead to criticism, mistakes, or appearing arrogant.
Conditioning and Socialization: From childhood, many are taught to follow rules and look to authority figures (parents, teachers, bosses) for approval.
Perfectionism and "Shoulds": The pressure to do things "just right" or live up to others' expectations prevents taking action without external, official approval.
Limiting Beliefs: A mental "backpack" of thoughts like "I'm not good enough" or "I can’t" hinders self-authorization.
Guilt and Self-Sacrifice: Often, people are so focused on meeting the needs of others that they view self-care or pursuing personal desires as selfish or indulgent.
I think that sums it up pretty well. I have definitely experienced the first one, the second one, the third one, the fourth one and the fifth one too. Ok, looks like I’m batting 100 or is the number higher or lower? (That’s math and baseball and stats and things I don’t follow or completely understand and I’m so ok with it.) But what does this list teach me when I measure it against how I show up in my own life? Let’s simplify and unpack each one.
Fear will keep you stuck, it will make you settle, it does not want you to thrive. (Except if a shark is after you. Outside of nature it is rarely helpful.) Do what you can to minimize the heck out of it.
Conditioning is a set of expectations that may not fit you anymore. So like a piece of clothing you try on, you don’t have to keep it. Take it off and set it aside. You can even throw it down with flair if you want to.
Shoulds are another thing to take a close look at. Why should you? Who said? And does it serve you? These are some helpful questions to ask yourself. My guess is you will actually decide to keep hardly any. Maybe change the should to could. I could do that but I don’t have to. That feels freer and more beneficial.
Limiting beliefs are things that have kept you from being all you want to be. They creep in and stick around. Start paying more attention to the thoughts that swirl around your head. Exchange them for far more loving ones. You are good enough.
Self-sacrifice is typically taken way too far. Self-care is a kinder, gentler option and it actually helps you to be more loving and giving to those around you. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. You’ve only got so many days here so take care of yourself. And guilt? Rarely helpful. Chuck it.
The more I do this kind of work the more convinced I am that fear is often at the root of the things that stop us from growing forward. Think of a plant. If you deprive it of water, of sun, of nutrients, it will not flourish. And neither will you.
So how can you escape the web woven together of all these things, and more, that slow you down, that stop you. It takes work. You have to want it. And it’s like how you eat an elephant. One bite at a time.
What are you waiting for?
— You’ve got this; just bloom
This graphic is from a presentation I gave 3 Ways to Bloom
