The Truth about Growing Up - episode 268
Ask yourself if it is consistently true. That is the sage guidance Phoenix shared when asked what advice he would give to someone about becoming a man. Don’t take everything at face value because you’re going to be told many things by many different people. Compare and contrast then think for yourself. Phoenix is cautious, open and driven. AND he understands that technology can be an addiction especially for young impressionable people. I relished getting the insight of a 14-year old male. I know you will too. Phoenix DeFehr is our guest this week for the series It’s Raining Men - What do they really think?
Cautious. Open. Driven.
— Phoenix DeFehr
Dear Fourteen: You Were a Lot
Thoughts from The Truth about Growing Up
Yep, I think most of us were in the eighth grade when we were fourteen, or there about. I tend to think about which boys I liked when looking back at certain grades. As I’ve written about in these pages, I was boy crazy. At that age there was Dan who bought me a turquoise ring that I still have. He saved up his money and bought it at a store called Brothers on the main drag of our town. In addition to selling some jewelry they were more famous for selling waterbeds. What does that tell you? We went and saw Funny Girl at the Roxy (local movie theater). I borrowed a friend’s white Angora short-sleeved sweater that I can still see in my mind. I still know Dan’s middle name which is kind of weird. As an aside, when his dad met me he wanted to see inside my mouth as he was a dentist. That was different.
Sadly I dumped Dan for Chris because he was a big time surfer (yes, even at that age) and somehow he had eyes for me. I wasn’t going to miss my chance (insert immature emoji here whatever that might look like). We met at a party and I still can hear Carole King’s Tonight as we danced. Such are the ways of youth, so easily swayed. If I had to do it over again I wouldn’t have been so quick to be flattered. He eventually broke up with me because I wouldn’t sleep with him. Can you even imagine? At age fourteen? He quickly found someone who would or that’s what the rumor mill said. I was hurt as only a 14 year old heart can be. It wouldn’t be the last time.
On the friend side, yes I did have them. There was Diane. We met at weekly catechism (or CCD) and spent tons of time together, notably in the eighth grade. Diane was wild and I felt magnetized to her. Ever the good girl there was that part of me that was curious about the shenanigans she might get us into. (You can be both boy crazy and a good girl, it turns out.) We did have a few shenanigans along the way, thank God. There were before-school shenanigans, during-school shenanigans and weekend-shenanigans.
That is something you can count on in this life. Heartbreak, and maybe a few shenanigans if you’re lucky. You can also count on sadness, betrayal, frustration, anger, joy and elation to name the first few to pop into my head. That is what life is made of, and we shouldn’t try to cheat the experiences, however challenging. There is risk in life and it’s well worth putting yourself out there. We are made to live, to create, to cry, to laugh, to squeeze out every drop of it all while we are still here.
One of my biggest fears is one of regret. I don’t want to regret things I didn’t say, things I didn’t do, things I didn’t try, things I didn’t learn, things I didn’t share, ways I didn’t love. I don’t want any of that. What about you? When you look back at your fourteen year old self, you likely see someone who was young, and had very little figured out even though you might of thought you did. What do you say to that version? I hope you say, Hey kid, there’s a lot you will experience up ahead. Don’t miss out on any of it because it’ll shape who you become in all its fullness. Yeah, that.
Taken by Diane’s uncle, Monsignor Brockhaus. Little did he know the shenanigans we could get up into. Or maybe he did.
— Oh the joys of being fourteen
