I Have a Level of Resiliency - episode 266
Honestly, how do you come back from your brother being murdered while you are both at school? It’s hard to fathom that this was Jaye’s reality. The incident led to a period of struggle and healing. She had choices to make about how she would handle this pain, what she would do with it.
Jaye Ancruem decided to work through the trauma and to see what was on the other side. This led to finding a relationship with God. You will have bad days but if you return to how loved you are by God then you can turn the hard times into purpose.
You will begin to understand the promise of Romans 8:28 is real. In fact her book is called All Things Work Together for Good because she wants to help young people in particular know there are better ways, that if she can get through it then they can too. Jaye is our guest this week for Thinking Through My Fingers - a Writers Series.
I want to be a help, to be transparent as possible.
— Jaye Ancruem on why she writes
All Things Work Together for Good
Thoughts from I Have a Level of Resiliency
An excerpt from All Things Work Together for Good by Jaye Ancruem
When we arrived at the hospital, the school official helped me find my mother. Shortly afterwards, we were escorted to a small room with the doctor. My mother grabbed my hand. I was waiting to hear when we could go in and see him. Instead, the doctor uttered, “I’m sorry but there was nothing that we could do.” I felt surprised. I felt angry. I felt confused. Even though he said it in plain English, I still didn’t understand. Clearly my mother did not understand as well. Her only response was, “Are you trying to tell me that my little boy is dead?” He just nodded his head and put it down. As tears rolled down my face, I still didn’t completely let out a cry. The type of cry that unleashes all of your feelings. I believe it was because I was in shock and I still didn’t have my feelings worked out. As I rode in the cab from the hospital on the way back to our apartment, I still kept wondering if all of this was a dream. I even thought that maybe he was in the witness protection program. My mind was still not ready to accept his death.
When we got back home our apartment was filled with family members and friends. I remember my best friend from elementary school, Brenda bought me some Chinese food and just sat by my side for a very long time. I don't know what she said to me or really if she said anything at all. My mind was in a cloud. I just kept replaying what happened over and over again in my mind. And kept thinking about all of the things that I could have said or done differently that I believed would have changed the outcome. I do remember that as my apartment kept filling up with people. My mom kept telling people that I was there and she was trying to get me to tell other people what happened. But I would not speak beyond one or a few word responses and eventually just went to lay down in her bedroom and pretended to be asleep. I remember thinking, “why doesn’t everyone just leave me alone?”
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 KJV)
How could anything good come out of this situation? I was not familiar with this scripture at the time. But if I would have heard it that day, I would not have believed it. I was upset with God, even if I did not say it out loud. I knew so little about Him at this point. All I knew was what I heard from others which in short was that He loved us and that God was good. My question was, “if He loved us so much and if He was so good, why would He let this happen?” Especially since I thought that because Mike loved Him and believed in Him, He would surely spare his life. I blamed God out of ignorance. It would be years before I knew that He never said that we would not have any troubles in this life. As a matter of fact, the scriptures say the opposite. John 16:33 lets us know that “In the world ye shall have tribulation.” We can look around and see that we live in a troubled world. Bad things are going to happen. What happens when they do? What does His Word say that we can expect from God? It says, “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it .”(1 Corinthians 10:13 KJV) Despite the fact that I wanted to continue to respond in anger, hatred and bitterness, I knew that I needed to find another way. If I allowed Him to, not only would God help me to get through this difficult time, He would also help me use the situation for good. And this would not just be for my good but for the greater good. Several years later, I would discover that I did not have to let this traumatic situation define me or who I could become. Once I submitted my trauma and my residual pain over to God, He gave me direction. I was able “to bear” or endure the situation when I realized that his death did not have to be in vain if I found a way to make it matter. This pain I was experiencing that was initially fueling my anger would soon fuel my passion to help other young people. He gave me a message to deliver to these individuals that also felt hopeless and trapped. “Your beginnings in life do not have to determine your ending.” TM Over the years, I would have to experience understanding this message and how to apply it to my own life before He released me to be restored enough to share it with others.
As many of you know, Romans 8:28 is one of my favorite verses so having this connection with Jaye was extra special. I am heartbroken for all she had to endure and at the same time, grateful she wants to see the good that has come from it. Jaye wants to participate in it. And I think that is the secret, if there is one, to surviving the unimaginable: allowing God to work it all for good. It’s so hard but extremely necessary.
Because this is a sweet spot for me, I am looking to create content around ‘gifts after loss.’ If that is something that interests you, give me a shout. I’d love to participate in more of the goodness.
Your beginnings in life don’t have to determine your endings.
— Jaye Ancruem on what she hopes the reader takes away
