When the Host Becomes the Guest: An Unplugged Conversation - episode 289
So this was pretty cool: we had former guest Mike Pittman ask if I would consider doing an episode with me as the guest. We hopped on a call, did some brainstorming, and voila! We had the makings of a panel of three asking me questions: Mike Pittman, Isha Casagrande and Shaun Conde all said yes. I decided to challenge myself and not get any questions ahead of time. I asked them to each come up 3 for Getting to Know You and the Deep Dive segments. Can I just say it was a very joyous, vibrant, fulfilling time? It was. Listen in and see if you are moved like I was.
The Panel: Mike Pittman, Isha Casagrande, Shaun Conde
Bursting a Holy Bubble
Thoughts from
Well, we talked about so many things in this conversation of value, that are playful, that are real. And while I might sound like I’ve got it all together, I am most definitely a work in progress. So I had an interesting encounter today. Let me tell you all about it.
I decided to go to church today. I am writing this on Ash Wednesday and since I grew up going to Mass and getting ashes to mark the beginning of Lent, I decided to revisit that tradition. (It’s been years since I’ve been to Mass and been a practicing Catholic. The way I see it is we believe in the same Jesus so the details of how, where, when don’t much matter as much as some of us think they do.)
I chose a pew to sit in. I noticed we were spread out with spaces between most people yet the church was pretty full. As is the Catholic way, many people arrived late. It still counts, is I think the logic. I sat between two women with about 2 feet between me on either side. About 15 minutes in 3 people entered our row and it caused me to scooch closer to the woman on my right. Shortly thereafter the kneelers were put down and I went to the closest space on the kneeler and whispered to this woman on my right, We just had three people join our row so I had to scooch over more. What was uttered next by her in a very harsh, firm voice was, Don’t talk to me!
Did I hear that right? Did she tell me not to talk to her in a very curt voice? Why yes, I believe that she did. Hmmm. Being a sensitive individual, I immediately went from feeling at home in the church I grew up in, to playing her comments over and over in my head. Another hmmm. Maybe this is a very holy thing for her and I was breaking through her holy bubble. Okay, that might be it. Maybe she is mistaking me for someone else. Possible but seemingly unlikely. More ruminating.
Oh and it should be noted she did not offer me the sign of peace but kept her back towards me, and when she got back from getting the ashes she picked up my coat and tossed it towards where I would soon be sitting. Interesting, but no biggie, simply noted. Maybe she thought I was invading her space. Maybe she thought I was singing too loudly for her taste although I intentionally kept my volume down. Who knows what the possibilities were?
If you know me you’ll likely guess I could not let this go. So I rehearsed things in my head to say once the service was over, and let me stress I wanted it to be in kindness and courtesy, giving her the benefit of the doubt. This is what I landed on that seemed invitational and warm: I want to make this right. How have I offended you? So I tapped her on the arm and said just that.
What quickly transpired was something I would never have guessed. With anger she spun around and said, I don’t have to talk to you! Incredulous, I started saying things like, Do you know where you are? You are in church. You are not being the hands and feet of Jesus right now. You are not being his love. She lobbed. I lobbed back. Then on some subconscious level I gave myself permission to show up in this moment emotional, adrenaline-pumped and human. At the height of it we were soon talking over each other. I’m not exactly sure what order these all came in. You’re judging me! (Her.) I am merely observing. (Me. And more on these two another time. Can you observe without judgment? Can you have an opinion without judgment? Inquiring minds want to ponder.)
Can I give you a piece of advice? MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! (Her, spewed with what can only be described as hatred.) At the height of it I may have said, You need to go to confession. Okay, I’m not proud of that moment, and I’m not not proud of that moment. I can’t recall a time like this where I really said what I was feeling and thinking with little filter, I know I chose to do it in a speak the truth in love kind of way. Righteous anger anyone?
Then we parted and we each went our own way, thankfully going in opposite directions. My hands were shaking and I started crying. Adrenaline. Lots of it. I called Shaun because as a fellow sensitive person, plus we are both justice-oriented, I knew he would relate to the whole thing. He did. From there I calmed down. And of course I shared it with Ron, my mom and Taylor (on a 3-way call). Shaun said I would soon find humor in it, and he’s right. I did. As I retold it to these close loved ones it did sound humorous. And I did chuckle a few times at the absurdity of this interaction.
What remains is a sense of compassion for this woman. She had to be in tremendous pain to have shown up in such a manner (and no, she didn’t present as being mentally unwell). Honestly that is where I’ve landed and I am actually grateful in hindsight to be reminded that hurt people hurt people. I have offered her grace in my heart and am hopeful she can get to a better place for her own sake. So while I did burst her holy bubble for just a moment, I don’t know how God will use this for her good. I just know that he will.
I trust the guy who made this to use it for good.
— It’s a faith thing
